Looks like I shall probably have to shave from now on, it hurt so much today I couldnt believe it. Although last time I shaved down there I nearly circumcised myself.
Tonight I am feeling utter fear and panic again, I cannot believe it. I know I am ill but I dont know how much is in my head because I am thinking of it all the time but I am feeling very weak and scared and I dont want to lose my hair and am wondering if it is a given that I will. My best friend is in end stage renal failure from Lupus and hasnt lost her hair at all and she goes to the Lupus clinic and many seem to look so well - its all too confusing.
I feel like crying my eyes out, I think this is my fault - it must be, surely the body doesnt just turn against you like that without me having to have done something to cause it?
I used to get the weak really weak feeling every few days, then just early hours of the morning and now I have it right now - I do not understand what is happening and if I wasnt short on tear production I would bawl my bloody eyes out.
I am so sorry for feeling sorry for myself but this is awful, I have forgotten what it is like to be normal I really have and I dont know how this will all end up or where I will end up or anything.
Just wish it was a bad dream, honestly my brain is stuffed up, I cannot concentrate or focus and I cannot imagine this going in to remission - do you think it will?
And I want my Mum.