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Thread: I am lost.

  1. #41
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    I am struggling hard to hang onto to this emotional roller coaster ride. It is hard when you are not strapped in. White knuckles, clinched teeth, knotted stomach...
    I have Lupus. So *^#@! what.

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    I just feel so awful. My husband and I would play the stocks, separate accounts and today a bit ago, I just had seen they transferred his stocks into mine. Oh, God, he worked so hard...and it so hard for me to put myself into survival mode, to accept this money as ours...even though Bola will tell me it is ours.

    I am so upset and mad...there better be a God and my husband better be happy, and not want for anything....if not then it is all for nothing...because we are such fragile, sensitive, loving creatures for you not to be real....
    I have Lupus. So *^#@! what.

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    dear oluwa i am so sorry for your pain i wish i could take it away i felt some of the same things you did when my son was born stillborn i questioned everything i was so angry with god and everyone around me i lost hope and understanding i withdrew from the world but i had to needed to believe that my son was happy with my relatives who had passed and they would look after him it takes time and everyday will be different you have every right to feel every emotion you are feeling and more and let them come you are grieving and it is your right to question and feel everything you are just know that i will be here for you to talk when ever you need we all will we love you many hugs kim l

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    Oluwa (03-05-2011)

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    If my arms could reach across the miles to hold you tight and hold and rock you and let you rest your tired head on my shoulder and cry for a bit I would grab you up and hold you tight and rock you all through this dark night until morning light. Since I can't reach my arms that far I am going to wrap you up in prayers and loving thoughts and carry you around with me for a while until you tell me you are ready to be let down and stand or try steps on your own. I can't bring you back what you want most but if wishes were prayers and all prayers were answered I'd send your Bola back to you unharmed and unchanged by the time that has passed since you've seen him last. I know it's hard to believe in something or someone that has hurt you so much especially when you are still so fresh and raw to the experience and trying to navigate the feelings of anger and understanding. Just know that although you may not see or feel him right now HE hears you and is answering you by sending you small little prayers through the people here and by sending your heart lots of love. If you ever want to talk to someone who has had the experience of suddenly and inexplicably losing a spouse just let me know. I know three wonderful ladies who have walked your shoes and they are just a phone call or email away. (((Gentlest hugs)))
    As long as this body works, I am going to enjoy life to the fullest for each second of every moment that I can.



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    I don't have any words of wisdom, though I wish I did. Instead, I looked for them and found a few that might help you. I will mail you the link that I got these from, since there are many quotes that are very true.

    "Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy."
    - Eskimo Proverb

    "Love is stronger than death even though it can't stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries it can't separate people from love. It can't take away our memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death."
    - Unknown

    "The gods conceal from men the happiness of death, that they may endure life."
    - Lucan

    And of course, my favorite quote is my signature.
    Last edited by wolfwhisper; 03-03-2011 at 07:56 PM.
    "I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much"- Mother Teresa

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  9. #46
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    ...And I will add my favorite

    "There is no death, only a change of worlds." -- Native American proverb
    Mari

    Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

    ~Winston Churchill~







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    I can't mail it to you, so I'll post it here. Lots of love.
    There are a few choice ones that I hope will be most beneficial to helping you. I also found two poems you might like. the second is a lengthy, but I think it carries a lot of truth in it.
    http://www.achieving-life-abundance....-on-death.html

    If tears could build a stairway and memories were a lane,
    We would walk all the way to Heaven, to bring you home again
    No farewell words were spoken, no time to say good-bye
    You were gone before we knew it, and only God knows why
    Our hearts ache in sadness, and secret tears will flow
    What is meant to lose you, no one will ever know
    ~unknown

    "I'll lend you for a little while,
    a child of mine" God said,
    "for you to love the while she lives,
    and mourn for when she's dead.
    It may be two or three short years,
    or twenty-two or three,
    but will you, till I call her back,
    take care of her for me?
    She'll bring her charms to gladden you,
    and should her stay be brief,
    you'll have her lovely memories
    as solace for your grief.
    I cannot promise she will stay,
    since all from earth return,
    but there are lessons taught down there
    I want this child to learn.
    I've looked the wide world over
    in my search for teacher's true,
    and from the throngs that crowd life's lanes,
    I have selected you.
    Now will you give her all your love?
    Nor think the labor vain?
    Nor hate me when I come to call,
    to take her back again?"
    God fancied he heard the parent's say,
    "Dear Lord, thy will be done.
    For all the joy the child shall bring,
    the risk of grief I'll run.
    I'll shelter her with tenderness,
    I'll love her while I may,
    and for the happiness I've known
    forever grateful I'll stay.
    But should the angels call for her,
    much sooner than I planned,
    I'll brave the bitter grief that comes,
    and try to understand."
    ~unknown
    Last edited by wolfwhisper; 03-03-2011 at 08:24 PM.
    "I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much"- Mother Teresa

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  13. #48
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    That's a good line there from Mother Teresa, wolfwhisper... nice poem too.

    Oluwa, see if you can find someone who can put your stocks into a "managed" account or something that you can "set and forget". We're still praying for you, especially for the Lord to tighten your seat belt, and sit next to you on the ride for just a little while longer. Lean on Him. He likes it when you do.
    "There but for the grace of God, go I."
    "... His mercy endureth for ever."

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    oluwa

    at this point iwant you to put your left hand on our right shoulder and your right hand on your left shoulder and sqquueeeeezzzeeeee as hard as you can at that is me giving you a huge massive hug!!!!! xxxxxxxxxxxxx

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    How Can You Mend a Broken Heart

    I can think of younger days when living for my life
    Was everything a man could want to do.
    I could never see tomorrow,I was never told about the sorrow.

    And how can you mend a broken heart?
    How can you stop the rain from falling down?
    How can you stop the sun from shining?
    What makes the world go round?
    How can you mend this broken man?
    How can a loser ever win?
    Please help me mend my broken heart and let me live again.

    I can still feel the breeze that rustles through the trees
    And misty memories of days gone by
    We could never see tomorrow, noone said a word about the sorrow.

    And how can you mend a broken heart?
    How can you stop the rain from falling down?
    How can you stop the sun from shining?
    What makes the world go round?
    How can you mend this broken man?
    How can a loser ever win?
    Please help me mend my broken heart and let me live again.
    I have Lupus. So *^#@! what.

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