First of all, I am glad to see you here.
Like most others, I find it difficult to find the right words of encouragement.
I am so sorry, that you feel lost, but I can certainly understand that you are. I know I would be.
I think coming here to WHL will help a little, to steer your thoughts into a different direction for just a little while.
Let me know, if there is anything I can do.
I may have been dealt a bad hand, but at least I'm still playing with a full deck. ( most of the time anyway).