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Thread: Depression

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Depression

    Looking for support today,
    I was diagnosed pretty young with Lupus, I was only in 8th grade, I had been sick for months before my pediatrician finally did the blood work to test for SLE, but before that it had been countless office visits, 100s of other test and my doctor telling my mom I problem has school-itis. The first specialist we ever saw, thought I was making it up too. Luckily my mom had faith in me and brought me to different doctors who confirmed the SLE diagnosis and put me on medication. I had flares on and off for the next 5 years, and eventually went into remission.
    Flash forward about 13 years later, and I am now in the middle of a flare. I have a 15 month old, a lot of stress at home and at work, which the rheumatologist said may have triggered the flare.
    I find myself feeling like I'm making it all up. I feel like maybe they were right back then and it was school-itis. I am getting depressed about it because I feel like I'm being a baby who just isn't handling stress and real life well. Like if I could just put my big girl pants on and stop being so dramatic I'd feel better. Problem is since the rheumatologist told me I was sick again, I don't feel better, I'm depressed and feel worse. I feel more tired, more achy, my vision is getting worse, the headaches are now almost daily. I know that my negativity isn't helping the symptoms but if I try to have a better outlook about it, I don't have the energy to do anything so I start telling myself to get motivated and that its all in my head, I get depressed about it again, feel worse, and go around and around.
    I am so angry, I don't want to be sick again, this disease took away my teenage years and I want to stay positive so it doesn't take away my sons first years from me but I am really struggling.
    Does anyone have similar stories or feelings with their diagnosis, or their disease.
    Any tips for how you stay positive when Lupus beats you down would be helpful and comforting.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Houston, Texas
    Thanked 1,757 Times in 1,220 Posts


    I am glad you decided to post today. The first thing that you need to know is that you are not alone in this. You also need to know that it isn't all about will power. The Lupus itself affects our brain and can cause depression. This isn't a "pull yourself up by the bootstraps" kind of thing. There really is a chemical change that takes place in the brain that causes much of the depression. Add to that the fact that you feel bad, your body is turning on you and no one understands what is going on and you have a good reason to be depressed.

    This is not in your head. This is your body going crazy. You DON'T feel good. You don't have any energy. You are sick. You really need to talk to the doctor about the depression. It is illness related but it has to be handled as well. If you are not getting good sleep (like many of us) that also contributes to the depression.
    Please don't blame yourself or look down on yourself. It isn't you. It is Lupus.

    We are here for you whenever you need to vent. You are part of our family now and we understand.

    Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

    ~Winston Churchill~

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Blog Entries
    Thanked 94 Times in 83 Posts


    Like Mari said so glad you posted today.Ive had so many itis days i lost count because i am actuallly sick even though i walk this earth with no label....or should i say not a correct one! Being sick is bad enough,but Lupus and a baby you are amazing!! We all have days,weeks n years like you have and are experiencing.....cry ,scream,rest,shout,be quiet......until you feel today is a good day,because those good days will come.We understand you.So keep posting....we all understand how bad it can get.But just know it also gets better for a short time so you can n will enjoy time without the flares with your baby.
    Lots of love
    I am still here,just been on new meds so unable to function like i used to.I will pop back,just know im thinking of you all and hoping you are keeping on keeping on.xxxxxxx

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