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Thread: Dealing with family members in denial!!!

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    Default Dealing with family members in denial!!!

    I think over the last 7 years we have gone through many diagnosis' to finally arrive at SLE. My mother has been able to accept everything but the lupus. Even though it is now medically undeniable, she still finds a way. She simply refuses to face our current cituation. I just had my latest bloodwork done and it is so enemic it is almost at transfusion level. She has an excuse for that too. LOL. HELP!!!!

    Lana
    I don't do ups. Sit ups, push ups, pull ups. I do downs sit down, lay down, give me a black jack I will double down, or a cheese burger I will wolf it down. But I don't do ups. Ups defy gravity, gravity is the law, and I obey the law. -John Pinnette

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    I think that many of our family members just can't believe that we are really sick, or they don't want to.
    My kids are all adults, but when I'm with them, they expect me to be the same old Mom that I used to be.
    See if you can get her to read some printed info, or even read a bit here at WHL.
    There is also a great thing called The Spoon Theory that you can show her. Mari has the link, or you can google it.
    Hugs,
    Marla

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    It is funny but my family is a lot like that but my friends can see the change. My siblings and I have never been close and my daughter is a teenager (wonderful child but at that age they are very self involved). When I do hear from one of my brothers (which is about 3 times a year) he always wants to tell me how I need to get off of the meds. It is the medicines making me feel bad. It makes me want to punch him and I am not a violent person! LOL

    I did have success showing a few people close to me the Spoon Theory. It is a really good way to make them understand what our day is like but they have to be open to hearing in. Hope it works for you!

    http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/ar...e-miserandino/
    Mari

    Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

    ~Winston Churchill~







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    LanaS (01-09-2011)

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    I loved the spoon theory it was posted last week and I emailed it to everyone. The problem is I can't make them read it.
    I don't do ups. Sit ups, push ups, pull ups. I do downs sit down, lay down, give me a black jack I will double down, or a cheese burger I will wolf it down. But I don't do ups. Ups defy gravity, gravity is the law, and I obey the law. -John Pinnette

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    My toxic SIL, who is married to my only sibling, actually had the nerve to say I was making myself sick. Needless to say, I no longer have a relationship with her or my brother. Sadly, my brother has allowed this "woman" (she's no lady) to also alienate him from our mother. Anyway, I digress.

    You can't make loved ones understand if they're unwilling to read or educate themselves about SLE or anything associated with the disease. Sadly, that's why people with chronic illness often feel so depressed--because they don't feel like their family understands their illness and that their family/friends have abandoned them when they've already lost so much.

    After all, we don't look sick (usually), may have lost weight (sometimes) and can still string ten words together to create a sentence (if cog fog hasn't totally taken over).

    I've given up trying to educate people because I find it more depressing when I realize they just don't care. Not to be a downer, just my experience of late...

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    You are so right. I can't make anyone believe anything. Its kind of like faith. There are so many people that I wish could experience the kind of faith that I have. But they can't or won't. I can tell them and show them even present them with scientific evidence but there minds and hearts are closed. I think my mom will eventually come around. It is on me to also consider her feelings and not just my own. Oh, but that doesn't apply to your toxic SIL. LOL
    I don't do ups. Sit ups, push ups, pull ups. I do downs sit down, lay down, give me a black jack I will double down, or a cheese burger I will wolf it down. But I don't do ups. Ups defy gravity, gravity is the law, and I obey the law. -John Pinnette

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    I think most of us can agree that sometimes our family members do not see the physical and emotional changes in us because they are in denial that anything could possibly take us away from them. It gets very frustrating when you do not feel well but do things because you feel obligated to do it. I am a great one to put everybody before myself. Bonita

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    I understand exzctly how you feel. My grown kids are always telling me that "I am getting old" because they think I never want to go shopping or to the playground or just run around with them like I used to. I have tried to explain to them how bad I feel and I just can't help it, but it is like if they don't discuss they can pretend it really isn't happening. It is so frustrating because I just want them to understand and be there for me when I feel so bad.

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    LanaS, good luck with your Mother. It's interesting that she has accepted other things through the years but not SLE. Do you mean other diagnoses before the lupus? I wonder why that is, what is different for her about you having SLE than the other things she's accepted.
    BonusMom, your SIL is totally out of place to tell you that you are making yourself sick.
    I still don't totally understand the attitude of the few close family members that I've talked to about my SLE. They seem to forget. Those same people ask how I am and I'll say I'm achy and have bad headache today and stayed in bed all day and they'll ask why. I think because I don't look outwardly sick, and I really push through the pain and fatigue when I'm around people and I don't constantly complain that they don't think I feel as bad as I actually do.
    Take Care!
    ~ Morrison
    SLE and Sjogrens
    It's hard to take over the world when you sleep 20 hours a day (Get Fuzzy)

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    I think some people that are in your life will only accept your lupus if it benefits them in some way. When they want you to be around for something and you aren't... then you see true colors come out. Sometimes I feel like pushing myself to do things, pretending I'm not in pain, and not complaining only come back to bite me in the end because family and friends don't always understand that Lupus is not going away, it hurts and sucks every minute of every single day. People in my life are getting better about it because I'm more open... but then I say that and someone will be insensitive or think they know better than I do about medicines or exercise or something they hear on the news..

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