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Thread: My boyfriend thinks i am a hypochondriac

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    Default My boyfriend thinks i am a hypochondriac

    Today my boyfriend stated that I am teaching my daughter to be a hypochondriac. She had a pimple or something on her back and asked if i thought it was something serious. I told her no. He says I go to the Dr for everything. The facts are, I have no insurance and havent for a year now. I dont go to the Dr unless i am in serious need. I am very hurt and am really re evaluating the relationship. Am I over reacting to his offhand remark? Maybe its just that he has these remarks so often. I have zero self esteem so these comments really work overtime on me.
    Lupus and Fibro/fall 2008

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    That pisses me off and he's not even my boyfriend! I hope that he knows the severity of Lupus. It's not that you're a hypochondriac, it's that with Lupus you have to be on your toes when you start to feel sick. As soon as we do, we have to figure out what's wrong so it doesn't get real bad real fast. He needs to be sensitive to you about it. Listen to your feelings. Chances are ifyou are feeling misunderstood, then you probably are correct in thinking so. What you do about it is your decision. (((hugs))) Don't let him make you feel crazy! That's what doctors are for!

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    Hi Denise! Welcome to WHL! I understand that it is difficult for healthy people to understand how we feel since we don't always look ill but comments like that are very irritating! Lupus and Fibro together is not a good combo and it makes for a very rough time. As was mentioned above we do have to watch out for things that others do not and there are times we may look fine and feel like crap! I suggest that you ask him to read up on these two diseases and get a better understanding of them because it seems like he is very uninformed. There is a story called "The Spoon Theory" at a http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com that may help him understand how you actually feel. If he continues to be so nonsupport your comment about reevaluating things may be a good idea

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    i have the same problem with my sister. she's a trained nurse. It's very easy for a "healthy" person to dismiss us so easily. I guess part of it is we feel most comfortable talking about how we really feel with those closest to us (your bf, my sister) and they hear us talking about how we feel but maybe don't really see us looking so sick and just assume we are making it up. I hate that AI diseases have so many invisible symptoms. The worst are the doctors who are only willing to look for the concrete symptoms like serand4's rheumy who is so willing to undiagnose her at the moment. Your bf is not being as kind or compassionate as he could be right now. He really needs to do a little reading up on your diseases or maybe join you at a support group so he can understand how sick you really are. The Spoon Theory is a great place to start with him. You might also want to suggest that he check out WHL. There is a thread here for family and friends of spoonies on here. Anything to open his mind and expand his knowledge of your situation and how he can help or hurt it. If he's not willing to do those things then I would be having second thoughts about the relationship too if I were in your shoes.
    As long as this body works, I am going to enjoy life to the fullest for each second of every moment that I can.



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    Thank you for your support and ideas. I sent him the spoon theory months ago and i agree, it really does explain it so well. I told him how much he upset me and he says he did not call me that, he says I think everyone should go to the Dr all of the time. I do have to admit when I am down sick and you can "see it" pain across my face, bawling in bed etc... he is very attentive. Its the offhand comments that make me go hmmmm...... He is a really good man and I think with the right person he would be amazing. I just dont think its me. In the time we have been together I went from a confident understanding intelligent artsy women to a jealous, edgy bitter no self esteem biotch! I love him but to quote samantha in sex in the city, "I love me more"
    Lupus and Fibro/fall 2008

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    Hi Denise,

    I really went off on the last person who called me a hypochondriac. It was someone who had been told many times that I have Lupus. I told this person that the facts about Lupus are readily available and easily accessible via the internet and from sites like WHL. Or, this moron could have simply asked me about Lupus and would have gladly talked to him about it. But no, that would have been too easy, too polite.

    So, with that in mind, I asked this person if they were simply dumb as a box of rocks and illiterate, or if they were just wallowing in willful ignorance. This guy actually got pissed off at ME for insulting HIM. Well, if he had not called me a hypochondriac, I certainly would not have slung any insults in his direction. His last words to me were the typical "Well you don't look sick" to which I replied "Yeah, and YOU look like a reasonably intelligent and educated person, but looks can be deceiving, can't they".

    I don't think you are overreacting at all Denise. In our world, hypochondriac is one of the most insulting things you could call a person. I hope your boyfriend decides to learn about Lupus so he can better understand you and what you have to deal with everyday.

    Rob
    Last edited by rob; 12-06-2010 at 02:13 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by DeniseB1069 View Post
    He is a really good man and I think with the right person he would be amazing. I just dont think its me. In the time we have been together I went from a confident understanding intelligent artsy women to a jealous, edgy bitter no self esteem biotch! I love him but to quote samantha in sex in the city, "I love me more"
    it sounds to me like you already know what you want to do. I do so love Samantha's wisdom in that remark. I am sure with the right man, you will be back to your good ole self.
    As long as this body works, I am going to enjoy life to the fullest for each second of every moment that I can.



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    Rob you seem to be very quick with your come backs. I only think of good things to say back to people afterwards when they are long gone. Perhaps we should all have a liitle black book with effective comebacks to use at the appropriate times. When we are insulted, we can pause and say "just a minute' then flick through the little book then say 'there I got you with this cool one liner'.

    Actually, that would be really luppie, and will add to their confirmation that people with Lupus are just a bit strange. mmmm. I have to come up with something better.

    Denise, we often hurt the people we love the most. Your boyfriend, as you have said, has been very attentive at times, but then other times has hurt your feelings. I suppose it is hard for someone to live with a chronically ill person and feelings are going to get hurt sometimes. Relationships are very precious and they need to be nurtured, good communication is the key to any good relationship. Only you can decide whether you can feel comfortable with your boyfriend. Hopefully you can have a better week this week.
    Diagnosed with Lupus - 22 June, 2010

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    hi deinse,

    first, welcome to whl. this is an incredible support site, and the members are always here to share their experiences and knowledge with each other. so, welcome.

    There are several of us here at whl who know exactly what you are feeling. A chronic debilitating illness can absolutely snatch our "lifestyles" right out from under us. We are put into a position where we must make changes in every part of our lives. And in this process, we have also had to make very difficult and painful decisions to let some people go, because they just don't seem to get it, and they continue to take verbal jabs at us. And there are some people who become great support members after they go through the initial shock of your diagnosis. Your boyfriend is also having to learn how to live with your lupus and he may be letting off anger at your illness when he says things. However, it is imperative that he keep his "serpeant tongue" in his mouth, and be nice to you. Friends don't intentionally hurt friends.

    You must put yourself as a priority, and make choices that are best for you. That is one of the requirements of learning how to live with lupus. Always remember the spoon theory...every decision/choice that you make is precious, so do what is right for you. It might seem selfish, because that is what it is. You are learning to prioritize your "to do" list, and you need to always be close to the top of that list.

    When the time is right, you will know what decision to make. You can trust yourself.
    Last edited by mountaindreamer; 12-06-2010 at 05:36 PM.
    Phyllis

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    Excellent post Phyllis. Perfectly said
    Mari

    Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

    ~Winston Churchill~







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