I saw your duplicate thread in Lauri's Lounge and I edited it so people will be directed to this thread, and for your convenience, all your answers and responses will be in one place. The important thing is that your message be in an area where it will be seen and responded to quickly, by the largest number of people possible, and for that, this is the place.
I want to tell you up front that NO, you are NOT pathetic in any way, shape, or form for wanting to put a name to your symptoms. Gotta know your enemy before you can mount a proper defense.
So, on to your symptoms. Lupus can have a wide range of symptoms, and no two people or cases are exactly alike. I was diagnosed with SLE in 2004. Being a guy, I'll leave the female specific stuff for the other ladies here to deal with. Overall, many of your symptoms are not common with SLE, but that does not mean they do not happen. However, Some of your symptoms, one's that we consider the more common ones associated with the disease, are definitely there in your list. In particular the ones I've experienced on your list are the quarter and dime sized patches of hair missing, I had two, they eventually came back, but that's the piece of the puzzle that finally led to my diagnosis. It's called Alopecia Arreatta. The others would be the brain fog, mouth sores, extreme sun sensitivity, terrible fatigue, joint pain, and the rashes you mention, although I've never had the typical Malar "Butterfly" rash across my face, I get it most everywhere else though.
Many symptoms associated with Lupus are transient, one of a kind type things that may only happen once or twice. I've woken up with what is obvious AI related inflammation in parts of my body never affected before, and had it go away never to return. The disease activity is weird that way. Many of your symptoms could be from a myriad of other conditions, however you are approaching this wisely by focusing on the most likely candidate for the time being, and within the scope of the website and discussion, I'll keep my focus on Lupus for now as well. It's easy to get sidetracked and overwhelmed (thank you brain fog).
You have already done alot of your homework, and I see you are familiar with the diagnostic criteria, this is good. One thing I do not see in your list is the results of an ANA (anti-nuclear antigen) blood test. Although there is no single test conclusive of Lupus, a positive ANA result is a very strong indicator. Do you have a Rheumotologist? They are the specialist who usually makes a Lupus diagnosis. I suggest you find one, if you do not already have one, make an appointment sooner than later, and take your list of symptoms to the Rheumo and tell them you want to be tested to see if you meet the Diagnostic Criteria for Lupus. Stay focused and be persistent, don't let anyone tell you "it's only in your head", because it's obviously not.
Lets see what other's here have to say. We have an excellent body of knowledge here with members who have lived with Lupus for many years, and thrived despite it. We're a pretty social, easygoing group, so please make yourself at home. Welcome, and I hope we can help you find the answers that you need.