My 17 year old daughter, 18 next month, was diagnosed last week with a "textbook case" of lupus. She has never had problems before, but over the last couple of months had the butterfly rash, then the last couple weeks it spread to her hands, toes, ears and scalp. She also has joint pain and fatigue. She probably has not missed 5 days of school since kindergarden. My question is, how do I find the line between being sympathetic and helping her learn to deal with it rather than letting it run her life any more than it has to? I want her to learn what she can and cannot do, and how to make good decisions when she's not feeling good, but not use the disease as an excuse when she doesn't WANT to do something.