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Thread: When it all hits the fan

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    Unhappy When it all hits the fan

    My step dad accidentally got all my meds today. when we told him I only needed one. and my mom was trying to figure out when the last time I got them filled was. And she searched to find my pills. And saw that I havent been taking them. And was having a fit upstairs. And she's probably going to tell my doctor that I havent been taking them and that I've been lying about taking them for a few months. Im so sick of pills. And Im so sick of getting more. They dont make me feel better. I dont like taking them. And they're going to try to make me Im sure. I dont want them. Im sick of being sick.


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    Ritzbitz, I can truly understand where you're coming from although we're a generation apart. I have a pill box like "old" people use am I'm not even old yet (depends on who you ask, I suppose.)

    My former sister-in-law had juvenile onset diabetes. In her teens, she didn't eat right or take her insulin. She wanted to be a "normal" teenager (whatever the h*ll that is???). Believe me, it bit her in the butt later as she had two very high risk pregnancies and several eye operations. She even used diabetes as a defense when she was being held on criminal charges (she's now serving eight years, four months at Chowchilla for stabbing my brother, but that's another story in its entirety). Anyway, she was labeled a manipulator because she refused to take her meds and take care of herself. I'm sure that didn't bode well with the probation officer who made the sentencing recommendation.

    You're hurting yourself by not taking your meds as prescribed. Your parents love you. They want you to be well. You are not helping yourself by defiant about it. I know you're not looking for any lectures, but I would be so frustrated if my son refused to wear his hearing aid because he was sick of it. If the meds that have been prescribed make you feel un-well, ask the doctor for alternatives.

    You claim to love your boyfriend....wouldn't he (and your other family members) be so very sad if you weren't around any longer? Your being defiant hurts YOU in the end. Your parents have every reason to be angry for your not taking medicine as prescribed. They provide everything you need (and probably want) to live a good life. You're disrespecting them and YOURSELF by not doing your part.

    I know you're sick of being sick and I understand that, but you do have options and you can control the situation (to an extent) by working with your parents and your doctors. You can choose to you use all your energy in fighting everyone and trying to hide the fact that you're not taking your meds or you can use that energy to concentrate on finding meds that are suitable and taking care of yourself. It's your choice.....

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    I feel the same right now as I did around this time last year and that was before I knew there was anything wrong with me. I wish I'd have never found out. Nothing has changed at all. And I dont care anymore. Im sick of worrying about this all the time. And no one understands what it feels like to feel weird to begin with and then feel extra weird when you go to your friends birthday party and they all look at you like "what the hell is wrong with you?" when you pull out like ten pills. or when your the only kid at school who's allowed to wear a hat becuz your freezing and kids give you weird looks and tell you to take it off. or when you're informed like every few minutes that your hands are dark purple, as if you didnt notice that already. Im like the quiet girl who doesnt talk to people and now I get funny looks. Im sick of it. I just want it to go away. So I've just been ignoring it. Because thats alot easier.

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    Ritzbit! You totally need to take your meds. They may not feel like they're working but they are. I feel like nothings working for me either but I know in the end they will help. They may even be preventing you from having another flare. If you truly are concerned, keep taking them but discuss it with your doctor. Express your concerns, don't be completely against everything but be open to other options and if you stay calm, I think your doctor and your parents will be open too. I completely agree with BonusMom about everything she said.
    Think of yourself as unique, not different. I know it's hard because of your age. Believe me, I'm only 23 but had to grow up really fast. A little reminder to take care of yourself, read (or reread), Saysusie's blog about Laurie.
    Micromedic
    I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for someone I'm not.

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    They just tell me to take my meds. I dont want to be on so many. And no one seems to really care.

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    Rizbit;
    At the risk of sounding a bit harsh, I just want to say that you are not the ONLY person who suffers from these issues and that it is not true that no one understands. You are here.. amongst people from all over the world. Some who suffer much greater than you and some who do not suffer greatly at all. However, ever single one of us suffers and every single one of us understands. We have all suffered from great bouts of depression due to this disease and the way that it has disrupted our lives and brought, to a complete halt, the life that we once knew. We all continue to deal with doctors who dismiss us, family members who don't understand, friends who have left us, and..the worst..LOVED ONES WHO HAVE DIED FROM THIS DISEASE!! But we are here, we are alive, and we are helping one another!
    Many of us have learned to live our lives, with this disease, by counting our blessings rather than hating our losses. I have lived with Lupus for over 20 years and I lost my precious daughter to this disease. Yet, I try and try to maintain a positive attitude and I make it my mission to use my time and energy to help others to live productively with this disease. I am grateful for so many small things that others may take for granted..like the fact that I have a family who loves me and friends who support me. Those are truly blessings that many people do not have. Those are blessings that YOU DO HAVE!
    It is not healthy for us, emotionally or physically, to continue to stay in a state of hatred for the illness. It is not healthy to make decisions that could be destructive to ourselves, like not taking our medications. You do yourself more harm by giving up and maintaining a position of anger, depression, and defiance.
    Every person here at WHL wants to help you. Every person here at WHL cares about you. But, we cannot do much for you until you have decided to care about yourself, to care about your health, to care about making the most out of the life that you have..because YOU ARE ALIVE.
    Instead of giving up and being angry..it might be healthier for you to become strong, take charge of your life, make the appropriate lifestyle changes so that you can live a relatively normal lifestyle, use your energies to find ways to be healthier and happier. These are the things that we want to help you to do, but you have to want to do them!
    Anger and depression are all parts of this disease that we all must deal with. Many of us have found that the support, understanding and comfort that we receive from one another here at WHL has helped us through some of our most difficult times. Please, let us help you through this difficult time that you are experiencing now. But, more importantly...please, please make the decision that you will do all that you can to help yourself.

    Peace and Blessings
    Namaste
    Saysusie
    Look For The Good and Praise It!

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    I did take care of myself. Almost all last year. And nothing changed. I have too many things going on. Im constantly stressed. And there's just too many things to do. And I just keep thinking that in about a year Im giong to be on my own and then Im not going to know what to do. Everything has just felt completely out of wack all year. I dont handle stress well at all. Then the stress makes me feel more sick. And I try to just ignore everything. Like homework and friends and family and work and lupus. I dont want deal with this. I cant. I am constantly on edge and about to pop and I dont know what to do because nothing I've dont so far has helped. So I just want to give up trying to make things better because it seems like a lost cause.

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    dear ritzbit i know that being stressed can make you feel worse i had a dreadful year and was constantly stressed and i know we take a lot of tablets but we do it because we have to you have your whole life ahead of you you are not weird you are just in a situation through no fault of your own life deals us some unexpected blows sometimes and i know life feel so hard right now but not taking your meds won,t help i have a daughter who suffers depression and at times she feels like you and it so hard to watch but as a mother i know your parents are only thinking of your well being and i know you think we do not understand but sweetheart we do and if i was there right now i would give you a big hug. please try to give the medication a chance it doesn,t work over night but please give it a chance to help you . it maybe that you need to try different ones to you find one that suits you please talk to your parents or your doctor about how stressed you are do not suffer this in silence. we are all here for you and you can talk to us whenever you need we care about you alot please donot ever doubt that. love and many hugs kim l.

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    My moms calling my doctor tomorrow =( I dont really want her to.

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    i know you do not want to but just give the doctor and your mum a chance to help you i will be thinking of you try to have asleep i will message you to see how you are tommorrow hugs kim l stay strong.

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