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Thread: What To Do When Members Die

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    Default What To Do When Members Die

    I run a music forum and we had a longtime member die right before Christmas. It's the 2nd member that has died on that site. It just feels so empty. Many of the members of that community knew them well from the forum, but also met them in person too playing music.

    It's a delicate situation and I'm not sure what to do, but to do nothing just feels so wrong. I've been running many of my forums for 10 years now so it's an issue that needs to be addressed.

    My only initial idea is to have a place with a thread for each member that will be open for other members to post. In a weird way it perpetuates the person for us in virtual way. I don't know if that's sick or not - but it makes sense to me when it comes to online forum communities.

    Feedback appreciated.

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    Saysusie's Avatar
    Saysusie is offline Super Moderator Super ModeratorEmperor of the Universe
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    Conrad;
    It is, in no way, sick!! When grieving, we are told that one of the most important things that we SHOULD do is to talk about the one that we've lost; to keep that person alive in our minds and in our hearts!
    Periodically, at family gatherings, I will ask family members to write their fondest/funniest memories of Lauri so that we can share them with each other. This is always such a healing and loving time for all of us because we, too often, feel that we should not speak about or of the loved one who has passed on.
    It is healthy and even an homage to talk about the person, especially if his presence affected you in any way.
    If anyone objects to you providing this place for homage, tell them to take a hike!!
    Know that I understand your pain and your feeling of loss and I think that what you are attempting to do is beautiful and thoughtful!

    Always
    Carlotta
    Look For The Good and Praise It!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Saysusie View Post
    Conrad;
    It is, in no way, sick!! When grieving, we are told that one of the most important things that we SHOULD do is to talk about the one that we've lost; to keep that person alive in our minds and in our hearts!
    Periodically, at family gatherings, I will ask family members to write their fondest/funniest memories of Lauri so that we can share them with each other. This is always such a healing and loving time for all of us because we, too often, feel that we should not speak about or of the loved one who has passed on.
    It is healthy and even an homage to talk about the person, especially if his presence affected you in any way.
    If anyone objects to you providing this place for homage, tell them to take a hike!!
    Know that I understand your pain and your feeling of loss and I think that what you are attempting to do is beautiful and thoughtful!

    Always
    Carlotta
    What more could I add that Saysusie didn't so eloquently say, Conrad? I think it's a beautiful gesture to honor the person that's passed. Also, if their family knew they were a member, I think they'd be very touched to read about their loved one from a different perspective.

    I'm sorry for your loss.

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    rob is offline Super Moderator Super ModeratorEmperor of the World
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    Conrad,

    I lost a good friend back in December of 2007. If I've learned anything about grief and the grieving process in the two years since then, it's that grief can become a malignant, destructive force when endured in silence. I think your idea is spot on, appropriate, and very respectful. To talk about the good times, the funny moments, the little things that made a person who, and what they were in life, is a healthy thing. Talking of such things makes the grief bearable, and navigable, rather than a wall of blackness with no direction. If you look at it from the standpoint of the person who has died, and ask yourself would this person want us to do whatever we could to help ease our pain from their passing, I would say the answer would most certainly be yes.

    I too, am sorry for your loss,

    Rob
    Last edited by rob; 01-01-2010 at 04:25 PM.

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    hi conrad,

    first, thank you for your devotion to our forum.....this forum is truly an expansion of my immediate family, and you, saysusie, and rob are responsible for the success of WHL.

    my children all know how important everyone here is to me, and they know that if anything ever happens to me, that i want them to post a thread explaining everything to my "family of the sky."

    I think your idea is a wonderful one, and i will certainly watch for any new entries.

    again, thank you and happy new year.
    Phyllis

    share a smile today

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    Conrad,

    I am sorry to hear about your losses. Losing multiple loved ones so close together is devastating.

    I agree with everything everyone said. I think that your desire to honor your friends comes from a good place, a place of love and respect from your heart. Talking about those who we have lost is how we honor them and the importance they held in our lives and how much their their relationship to us meant to us and the memories we have of them. Remembering your friends and family when they are no longer here keeps them alive in our hearts.

    Sandy
    As long as this body works, I am going to enjoy life to the fullest for each second of every moment that I can.



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    conrad i think its a wonderful and touching idea !! i like saysusie said quite often talk about my dad and my uncle with friends and family if they knew them or not!! i think it just great way of honouring them and keeping them alive in peoples hearts!! the times i have bottled emotinos up it has just made things worse i say its like filling up a bottle with coke and shaking it! theres only way its gonig to end messy!! where if you release it slowly and think of the happy moments it can be a good experience weather you cry or laugh x

    and would like to also send my condolences on your loss x i know how upset i would be to lose any of my friends on here my tohughts are with you and the forum x

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    Conrad,

    Im so sorry for your loss.As you can see your idea is a touching one and a good one.Its theraputic to have a place to go to remember the ones we have lost.Its the most painful feeling to lose a loved one and a friend,so imagine to be able to remember a funny thing you once did together and you laughed....then go write about it...hey i remember we once did.....and others can reply....you are keeping your friends alive ,like when we chat about Lauri here and Heidi's relatives,my dad,my dog.....it helps the grieving process so much.So yes its a good idea for you to do it,you will be helping others and yourself and keeping the memory alive! Id be very surprised actually if anyone did find it inappropriate,if anything they will be thankful to be able to talk about loved ones passed.So goodluck and again thank you for all you do.

    love Amanda.xxxx
    I am still here,just been on new meds so unable to function like i used to.I will pop back,just know im thinking of you all and hoping you are keeping on keeping on.xxxxxxx

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