As you read through many of the posts here, you will find that many of us (like you) suffered from symptoms of Lupus for years before we finally got a diagnosis. Also, like you, most of us just wanted to know that there was a name for all of the things we were suffering from and that we were not insane. So, you are not alone! I, personally, think that I suffered from Lupus since my early teens, but I was not officially diagnosed until I was in my 30's.
Most doctors do not consider an auto-immune disorder when we present them with our multitude of symptoms. You are very lucky that your wife is so insightful. For many of us, like you, we are told that it is all in our heads, that we need to exercise, or that we need to see a psychiatrist.
You have come to the right place in order to learn as much as you can about Lupus and/or other auto-immune disorders. You should know that, it is very common for us to have more than one over-lapping auto-immune disorder at the same time. I suffer from Lupus, plus Fibromyalgia, plus Raynauds (very cold extremeties), and several other disorders. There are some members here who have both Lupus and MS (our Moderator Rob is one such member). If you are educated about auto-immune disorders and your doctor is thorough, you may find that you, too, have more than one thing going on.
In any event, we are here to help you as much as we can. We are also here to offer you understanding, comfort, and a place where you are safe to freely express how you feel. I am glad that you found us and I hope that we can help you to navigate through this!
Peace and Blessings
Look For The Good and Praise It!