Welcome. I am glad you found us. I think you will find a lot of people who can relate to your frustration of being sick and your meds not helping you feel better. I think at some point we all think about death since this disease is potentially fatal. Sometimes when I am really sick it seems like I can actually feel lupus sucking the life out of me.
I have children too (four and eight) and I try to stay strong for them too. It's hard to deal with the gulit of being sick when your kids are depending on you.
You'll find a lot of support here - I'm glad you joined us