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Thread: Angry Vent

  1. #1
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    Hi I have to vent and I apologize if it sounds angry and hateful but I got deeply hurt today and I don't think it can ever be repaired. As you all know from a previous post my hubby and I were having a rocky relationship and I felt it had to do with him distancing himself from me because of my illness. We started talking decide to go to therapy, etc... Him and I talked and there were more issues than my illness and the therapist said try a trial separation. We have not been living together since August 1st. We said we'd date etc... Well he has been avoiding me always busy when I want to get together doing things with others he hated doing with me like going to total strangers houses for kid's B-day (he wouldn't even go to my cousin's house with me ) This was even before I got sick..but it didn't bother me I respected his feelings. Anyway today we were supposed to have lunch but I got sick and my PCP told me to go to urgent care. At urgent care I found out I have an infection might be urinary tract but cultures aren't back. And the Doc said I could possibly have kidney stones but there was not enough evidence to do a CT-scan 'cuz insurance wouldn't pay. So he gave me antibiotics and vicodin for the pain and I have to wait and see if I get worse or better. (AWESOME WEEKEND SO FAR ) Due to being sick I asked him to take care of the dogs and he was upset but he did it. And when I told him on the phone he didn't ask how I was doing. I am very vulnerable right now because I do have the Scleroderma marker in my blood work and one of the key signs are kidney issues so I just wanted company and I asked to hang out with him and he said no. I asked what was going on why he was distant and he said he has a lot on his mind. REALLY well good thing I have nothing to worry about!!! PUNK!~!! LOL Okay had to through that in there sorry. I feel better tho. I had been thinking about divorce earlier but now I think I really need to consider it because I am all alone. I could get really sick tonight and I have no one to rely on but myself. But that's okay because I am strong and I will be okay I just am really hurt...but thank goodness the Sjorgens has dried my tear ducts or I'd be crying my butt off LOL -that was angry humor-sorry. :P Well I hate that you guys have to read this but I really needed to get it off my chest and just talk. I don't need an answer and I know my problems won't be solved. But I really really love that approximately 2-4 minutes after I post this someone will read it and eventually by tomorrow at least one response. So thank you for being my long-distance friends.
    Spanglishqueen AKA Brenda or "B"

  2. #2
    rob is offline Super Moderator Super ModeratorEmperor of the World
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    Brenda,

    I was in a very similar situation a few years back. Living with my girlfriend/fiancee took the same sort of turn. She became very cold and distant, had every excuse in the world not to be with me. When she would talk to me, she was always angry about every little thing I did. It was like living alone. She would always complain about how hard my disease was on her.

    I assured her it was harder on me. She left one month before the wedding. I know I'm better off without her. I wish you didn't have to go through this. It's a hard thing to accept, and deal with when your spouse shuts you out of everything.

    I really understand how you feel.

    Rob

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    Hi B...

    Oh just some thoughts to ponder....

    I don't think it was great advice your therapist suggesting trial separation unless in the end divorce is the goal...one can't work out issues being separated..gives them the option to say no as your husband has. I think trial separation is just that... to live without each other.

    I think when people do this, they expect the dating scene like it was premarriage, honeymoon, to ignite the old feelings....step back and realize the love but I think for others it means seeing how life is without the other...

    I wish it wasn't the latter...or perhaps your husband needs more time...as it has been 6 weeks. How has it been before this..the last 5 weeks...?

    Men, can be a bit insensitive, some a whole lot especially when we have been with them for a while...I am sorry you are alone when you are not well, and not feeling well while separating...what stress, what a load you are carrying.

    You are a strong person, I know you hurt...tomorrow will be better in heart and mind. With each thing we have to face, especially when ill we do come out stronger and not weaker..

    I wish I had words to make you feel loved...unhurt.

    I do care..sending you tight hugs... I am thinking about you. In my prayers you are.....

    Love,
    Oluwa
    I have Lupus. So *^#@! what.

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    Thanks Rob and Oluwa for responding so quickly. I too wish I didn't have to go through this (but Que Sera Sera - whatever will be shall be) I've never heard the entire song It's been rough for a while and we both sacrificed we've been working on this relationship for years. First I had issues with my job, then he had issue with his feelings for me back and forth but we fought for each other tooth and nail I think we may just be out of fight. I do know I can't keep having this stress and dealing with the auto stuff because I will get worse so one day at a time. Thanks again you guys brought tears of joy to my tearless ducts LOL!

    Spanglishqueen AKA Brenda or "B"

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    OH im so sorry you are going through this it is so sad to read you in such despair.But you have the best people replying to you.I hope you feel a little easier when you wake.Always remember we are here for you and care. Sorry i have no answers,but it does sound weird your therapist saying to trial seperate. I have no answers,but i hope you feel better tomorrow.

    Love n gentle hugs
    Amanda.xxxxxx
    I am still here,just been on new meds so unable to function like i used to.I will pop back,just know im thinking of you all and hoping you are keeping on keeping on.xxxxxxx

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    Brenda,

    I am sorry to hear about that things with your husband have gotten worse. I am watching a friend go through this right now. I pray for strength for the both of you. Like you, she also has had health issues going on and, like you, her husband has not been as attentive to her needs during this time. I know that you are a strong woman and I have no answers for you, but I am hoping with Angel that tomorrow is a better day for you then today was.

    Sandy
    As long as this body works, I am going to enjoy life to the fullest for each second of every moment that I can.



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    First of all...don't apologize, sweetie. You have no need to. You have every right to feel the extreme hurt that you feel.

    Oh B... to have the heartache and also the worry about your health is enough...but kidney stones too?! Sweetheart... that's way overload! Angry, hurt, scared... if you weren't feeling that way, I'd wonder if you're human. That's A LOT to go through!

    I've had my share of stones...it's hell. I've had my share of man troubles...it's hell. I've not had to cope with a scleroderma scare though...girlfriend, I wish you were close...you don't need to be alone.

    That marker may be there but remember that could mean nothing at all. I've got markers for things that I don't have and I've had to battle kidney stone pain. All that's ever happened are the stones though.

    Oh I'm so mad at your insurance company!

    I'm with Oluwa about the therapist's advice. If you want to keep working on this relationship, I would fire that joker. It's hard to see how things can be worked out apart...it takes a lot of talking, listening, working together...not apart. Oh it takes so much WORK! If you'd like to talk about any of that with me, pm me anytime.

    We're here for you, Brenda, and we love you!!!

    I'm keeping you and Rob in my prayers. (((((HUGS))))) to both of you. Rob...that woman was an idiot to leave such a wonderful guy! I'm glad you know you're better off without her. She didn't deserve you my friend.

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    Oh yeah we only went to that therapist twice she was horrible very judgmental. And I did not want to do the whole living apart but my husband did he said that was the only way to save the marriage. Well I should have seen the signs back then, oh well. I think I'm just going to face reality and do what I need to do. Health wise my lower left side back and front is killing me I've drank like half the cranberry juice in the world to no avail. Once agian I luv all you guys and thanks for responding.
    Spanglishqueen AKA Brenda or "B"

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    By all means, you do what you think is best for you, B. We'll all be your support whatever you decide.

    Cranberry juice didn't help me either. Nor did water. I tried beer once and I think it made it worse. Oh what a curse those jagged little things are! Nothing to do but wait.

    The last bout I had was so bad nothing the ER gave me helped with the pain. The xray tech kept insisting i had to lay still for him and I kept telling him it hurts too bad to lay flat. A nurse came in and felt sorry for me and gave me something she called a six pack and ohhhhhhh mama, did that help! Heck if I know what a six pack is but I wish I had it now!

    They think I have another one. I was told you can't always see them on a scan. Something is up...every now and then I'll get that familiar pain. Sometimes it lasts a day or so and goes away...sometimes just a few hours. The heating pad helps some.

    Remember...all of this is temporary sweetie. All of it will pass. Happier times will come.

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    Brenda,

    I am really sorry, that you have to go through this. I don't even want to imagine, how hard it must be. Just know, that we are all here for you.

    Debbie

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