Lupus and Guilt
I know it's not my fault that I have Lupus, but I often find myself feeling guilty, especially in situations where I feel I am letting somebody down. Luckily, most of my friends have been understanding and accomodating to my illness, but when I am too tired to go and hang out or spend time with them I feel guilty. Also, there have been times when I have gone out and I feel as though I have put a damper on the whole atmosphere- if I can't eat what everybody else is having or I need to get food so I can take my meds, etc.
Sometimes I feel like I can't properly enjoy my youth- and when I do ignore what I need to do to control my Lupus, I feel guilty AND sick!
On top of that, I find myself at times getting angry with my immediate family. They have been extremely supportive, but in the past months I think they have forgotten that I have this condition, in a sense. Before they were very concious about the things they bought from the supermarket, but as time goes on more and more foods that I am supposed to steer clear from have been reintroduced into the house. It feels like a kind of betrayal, especially when they eat it in front of me. I know it is my burden to bear and I shouldn't have others carry my cross, but sometimes it really hurts when you and you alone can't enjoy what everybody else can due to a stupid condition.
Sometimes it just drives me crazy!
I'm actually lucky compared to most, I have managed to get most of my symptoms under control for now, but I just miss not having to think about things so much- and I hate feeling guilty all the time!
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