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Thread: Ugly/Pretty; Happy/Sad; Mean/kind Never an EVEN keel!!!

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    Default Ugly/Pretty; Happy/Sad; Mean/kind Never an EVEN keel!!!

    Hi everyone. As you can see from my title, I am really going through some stuff. Today I am feeling really ugly and most days I don't feel pretty. These new scars on my face are driving me crazy. One moment I am happy and the next moment I am sad. Sometimes I am mean for no reason, and then in the next moment, I am so kind and sweet. I am never on an even keel. Yesterday was the worst day I have had in a long time. I went to a store to return an item and the woman treated me so bad. I found myself yelling at the woman and then apologizing and then yelling again. Then I went to the fast-food chicken store and the woman made me get out of the car because they wouldn't take two seperate orders. I went in the store and spoke sharply to the cashier. Then after that, someone in my family said something really nasty and stupid to me so I got out of her car and walked home. I don't want to take any psych meds because I know how they make me feel, but I need some help!!!! HELP!!!
    "If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change" (Wayne Dyer)

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    rob is offline Super Moderator Super ModeratorEmperor of the World
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    Some days I have a very short fuze. I really don't have any contact with other people unless I have an appointment or something. Probably a good thing because people seem to piss me off to no end these days. I get angry, yell at people, feel a little bad for it, but most people who get it from me were asking for it anyway. Oh well.

    I look in the mirror and don't recognize the person looking back at me. I will not take any anti-depressants. I had a really bad experience with the stuff a few years ago, so I just white knuckle it. I try to do stress relieving activities. Sometimes it helps, sometimes not. I wish there were easy answers for people like us.

    Rob

    P.S. I checked out your pics. You know, we all look a little rough around the edges when in the middle of a flare. That does not change that fact that you are a beautiful woman.
    Last edited by rob; 09-03-2009 at 07:05 AM.

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    For it is the pain pills that do it..along with the sleeping pills...they all alter our behaviors. Read up on yours..might find a link in the side effects section.

    And too, our age..hormones perhaps. I am raging with them as I get hairy with a beard and crankier...

    Love,
    O.
    I have Lupus. So *^#@! what.

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    Default Ugly/Pretty; Happy/Sad; Mean/kind Never an EVEN keel!!!

    Thank you Rob and Oluwa for your comments. They made me feel better. Sometimes I just feel like giving up but I know that better days are ahead. I thank God for wehavelupus.com. It not only helps me, but a lot of people. God please bless the people who made wehavelupus.com possible.
    "If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change" (Wayne Dyer)

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    Default have you taken over my body?

    I could swear you were talking about my mood of late. I haven't resorted to lashing out at incompetent boobs yet, but I'm one nerve away from it!

    I understand the fact that I'm only getting 3-4 hrs of sleep (on the couch since my restless legs keep DH awake); the stress of moving; drama with DH's ex and his daughter, lupus and upcoming abdominal surgery may be weighing heavily on my mind, but there's not much to like right now add in a healthy dose of prednisone and you've got a recipe for disaster. And did I mention peri-menopause? Yeah, I'm a bucket of sweetness theses days.

    Truly, you're not alone. I don't like anti-depressants either as they cause me to gain weight (depressing in itself) and tapering off is a nightmare.

    Know that you're not alone and there are many who are feeling just like you and are struggling with the same issues. Hang in there!

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    Hi Mrstjscott,
    I hate those days! Pain, insomnia, self-consciousness, they don't add up to a good mood. Lupus can leave you very frazzled, almost undone, absorbing any energy you might have had, using up that filter that usually stops us from being jerks. I find it nearly impossible to stay even keel when I am off Zoloft. I have a 6 month old, and was off it for the pregnancy and while breastfeeding... it got to the point that I just needed to take it, and stopped breastfeeding in order to feel sane again! It might be worth talking to your doctor to see if there is a med you can take that would help you feel more balanced. I like myself much more when I am on mine... I am sure my hubby and kids do, too.
    Praying for you, God bless!
    Deb
    PS I put up some photos of me in a flare, you can see my sores, scars, too. You are not alone, and I agree with Rob, you are a beautiful woman!
    God Bless,
    Deb
    "You do not have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body." C.S. Lewis


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    Hi Bonusmom and Bunnie. First, thank you for the compliment and thank you for even responding. Some of my family was embarrassed to see that I had actually posted those pictures of one of my flares. I don't really care because that's what LUPUS looks like in me and maybe somebody will know that they are not alone, like you guys have let me know.
    Question: Do you, Bonusmom and Bunnie (or anyone else on the forum) have lots of problems with memory? I seem to forget things a lot lately. When I first started noticing that I was having memory problems, I told my neurologist and she simply put it like this, "You are just experiencing what a lot of people experience. There is nothing wrong with you". I had told her that when I think of something but I go to get it, by the time I get to the room where it is, I have forgotten what I went in the room for. Or, if I am in the grocery store, I totally forget why I am there. I shop at Walmart a lot, so I get our meds and some food there, but sometimes, I totally forget why I am there. It is getting worse. I can look at my medicine and say "I going to get something to drink so I can take it, but before I get to the drink, I find myself doing something else and totally forget to take my meds. As a result, my coumidin level is at a such a low level, I may as well not be on it.
    Sorry about venting or complaining again. Oh yeah, does anybody have a blob on their eye? Mine looked like a sty when it first appeared, but now it looks like a sty that busted and won't go away. In fact, on Tuesday, I just happened to look at my eye and the thing was bleeding. The doctors don't know what it is nor why it is there. They just keep saying "it's from the Lupus". I am so sick of hearing that stupid statement!!!!!
    "If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change" (Wayne Dyer)

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    Quote Originally Posted by mrstjscott View Post
    Hi Bonusmom and Bunnie. First, thank you for the compliment and thank you for even responding. Some of my family was embarrassed to see that I had actually posted those pictures of one of my flares. I don't really care because that's what LUPUS looks like in me and maybe somebody will know that they are not alone, like you guys have let me know.
    Question: Do you, Bonusmom and Bunnie (or anyone else on the forum) have lots of problems with memory? I seem to forget things a lot lately. When I first started noticing that I was having memory problems, I told my neurologist and she simply put it like this, "You are just experiencing what a lot of people experience. There is nothing wrong with you". I had told her that when I think of something but I go to get it, by the time I get to the room where it is, I have forgotten what I went in the room for. Or, if I am in the grocery store, I totally forget why I am there. I shop at Walmart a lot, so I get our meds and some food there, but sometimes, I totally forget why I am there. It is getting worse. I can look at my medicine and say "I going to get something to drink so I can take it, but before I get to the drink, I find myself doing something else and totally forget to take my meds. As a result, my coumidin level is at a such a low level, I may as well not be on it.
    Sorry about venting or complaining again. Oh yeah, does anybody have a blob on their eye? Mine looked like a sty when it first appeared, but now it looks like a sty that busted and won't go away. In fact, on Tuesday, I just happened to look at my eye and the thing was bleeding. The doctors don't know what it is nor why it is there. They just keep saying "it's from the Lupus". I am so sick of hearing that stupid statement!!!!!
    First of all, you are pretty, that one is for sure.
    Have you noticed, that I quoted your question? It's because my brain is not working either, if I don't quote, I will forget what the question was. Mine is bad most of the time and then I have " normal" days. The weirdest thing of all is ,that I have had a stye two weeks ago, it went away and this morning I have another one. My doctors say the same thing, no matter what weird thing is going on with my body, they all say " IT'S THE LUPUS". That is why I haven't gone in a while, if I have a new problem, I just tough it out, because the docs don't do anything anyway.
    So just know, that most of us are going through the same stuff you are going through, brain fog will come and go and after a while you find a way to deal with it. Be strong, we are here for you.

    Debbie

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    Quote Originally Posted by BonusMom View Post
    I could swear you were talking about my mood of late. I haven't resorted to lashing out at incompetent boobs yet, but I'm one nerve away from it!

    I understand the fact that I'm only getting 3-4 hrs of sleep (on the couch since my restless legs keep DH awake); the stress of moving; drama with DH's ex and his daughter, lupus and upcoming abdominal surgery may be weighing heavily on my mind, but there's not much to like right now add in a healthy dose of prednisone and you've got a recipe for disaster. And did I mention peri-menopause? Yeah, I'm a bucket of sweetness theses days.

    Truly, you're not alone. I don't like anti-depressants either as they cause me to gain weight (depressing in itself) and tapering off is a nightmare.

    Know that you're not alone and there are many who are feeling just like you and are struggling with the same issues. Hang in there!


    Now you sound like me! Unless I take a sleeping pill I get little to no sleep because of my restless legs! Tim is pretty good about it but there have been times I have slept on the floor because it is just unbeatable for the two of us Oh well, we just go on!


    mrstjscott: I know how you feel! I get that way and feel so out of control that I end up crying because I feel so helpless. It is hard to even go out at times because you feel so edgy. I will even avoid my families phone calls during the times I feel like this. The good thing is that after time I have been able to detect when it is starting and I can try to control it or I just hang out by myself until it passes. I do have to tell you that the other day I was running a few errnads and people were just getting on my nerves! The person driving in front of me was doing somehting, I can't even remember now, that really drove me crazy! I actrually wanted to ram my car into his tail end just because he was driving me crazy!!!!!!! Talk about road rage! I even stopped and thought about how much my insurance would go up. Thank goodness I made it home without running into someone on purpose! I told Tim that I was definatly not fit to drive that day

    After this all passes I do get a good laugh and most people around me do too and they try to really understand. Hang in there and remember you do not have to take anything you don't want to when it comes to medications. You may want to try really simple yoga. I have a DVD that I do and yes, there is some stretching but that is good for us, but the best part is the meditation. I always drag my feet to do it but when I am done I always think to myself that I am glad I did it! I think I just picked the DVD up at Target. You won't regret it, I promise!!!!!

    Well, tonight I am sending you peaceful thoughts and lots of hugs to get you through this difficult time. Keep talking to us and don't hold anything in.......vent away
    As I grow to understand life less and less,
    I learn to love it more and more.

    Age 29, Lupus for last 7 years

    Medications: Methotrexate, Lyrica, Celebrex, Flexeril, Theophylline, Bactrim, Xopenex, Lisinopril, Ultram

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    Hi mrstjscott,
    Good morning! I definitely have that lupus brain fog, some days worse than others. I have become completely dependent on lists, calendars and post it notes! I can't go to the grocery store ( shop at Walmart, too) without one. I have stood still in the middle of the store, closed my eyes and tried to remember what I came for. I have even forgotten that I had my list with me before! Ugh. I thought it was just being a busy mom, with a lack of sleep....it was good to know it was the Lupus, that there was a reason and I wasn't just crazy. I've been doing more memory games, hoping to help with my issues. I don't want it to get worse, that is for sure.
    Just last night, I completely forgot to go over to a friends house. I mowed the lawn, took a shower and then remembered. Luckily she is the forgiving type. Just remember: (if you can, ha ha) You are not alone.
    Praying for you,
    Deb
    God Bless,
    Deb
    "You do not have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body." C.S. Lewis


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