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Thread: How would you feel if you heard your spouse say this...

  1. #1
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    Default How would you feel if you heard your spouse say this...

    Ok I can't stop thinking about this... A friend of ours is having a difficult time right now and he is considering divorce....He is my husbands best friend, they have been friends since middle school...Many years...My husband spends alot of time with the guy because they do work together sometimes...Plus the guy owns a store and we go down there all the time...

    a few days ago my husband and this guy were working together and you know that when to guys get together they talk... My husband and I had been talking about him and his wife and wondering what was going on with them...so when my husband got the change to talk to him he ask, how are you and the wife doing and so on... well the question of divorce came up...the guy change the conversation and turned it around on my husband...He ask my husband Do you think you would ever get divorced??? my husbands response was no I don't think so, then his friend says is it because she is sick, is that you would not ever divorce her ?? that is part of it was my husbands response but there is more to it, she ownes everything and I would lose it all, but I do love her...Now I over heard the conversation and to later that day my husband told me about the conversation between the too and stated what he had told him which was what I heard... I cant seem to get it out of my head that he said part of it was because I was sick....

    I don't want part of it to be because I was sick, nor do I want part of it to be because I own everything, yes everything is all in my name but that shouldn't be a reason to stay with someone... I ask him what he ment and he said just what he said... (being sick was part of the reason but not the whole reason)

    I am kind of hurt and upset about that...but the rest of the converstation that they had went this way.... the friend then ask what would happen if everything was turned around and my husband was sick, did my husband think that I would stick around or leave??? he replied that he would like to think so but was not sure... hmmm not sure....

    was this just a guy conversation and I took it wrong??? or were they being serious??? I understand that the friend has alot of problems with his wife and family, it's been going on for years but what the H_ll was wrong with my husband....

    how would you feel about this conversation????
    Lea
    SLE Lupus diagnosed 8/8/11
    COPD,Raynauda's, IBS, Asthma, Sleep Apena, Amenia and Arthritis,Diabetes,Reflux TMJ, temporal arteritis
    Half dead, cripple and crazy but still above ground.
    Medication
    Novolog injections, Medrol injections, MTX injections, Dicyclomine, Plaqulin, Iron, Spreva inhaler, Advair inhaler, Albuteral inhaler, Fish Oil, Calcium, Diclofenac, Citalopram and doxcycline

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    Default hi

    Leann,

    I so understand why you are so worried n upset,but dont be. You and your husband are fine.Men 'talk' different to their friends, ive heard my boyfriend and its like a total different language sometimes.Its man talk.Your husband loves you and thats what matters.You husband friend is the one with the problem not your relationship. Just ignore it,move on.You have both been through so much over the years and you are sick now.Your husband is right beside you and thats what matters. When men say things to their friends,ive heard my boyfriend say stuff....later i will say...what did you mean by that you shouldnt have said that bla bla......they dont mean what they actually say to their friends....or what i mean is....men talk is sooooooooooo different to how we say things.I think ive just confused myself here lol.
    Basically....if you think about it.....who knows what tomorrow will bring? Your husband loves you. Leave that conversation you overheard.If YOU had a problem you would know...you dont...your husbands friend does.
    You relax and dont worry about it,you have enough to deal with.
    Hope this makes sense cause i confused myself and hope you relax about what you heard.Your husband is there with you n loves you thats all that matters.

    Love n hugs
    Amanda.xxxxxxxxxx
    Last edited by Angel Oliver; 08-11-2009 at 05:29 AM.
    I am still here,just been on new meds so unable to function like i used to.I will pop back,just know im thinking of you all and hoping you are keeping on keeping on.xxxxxxx

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    Default

    Thanks,

    I understand that my husbands friend is the one with the problem and yes he has a very big problem... It was just upsetting to hear that... I know that men talk differently around each other and thought that maybe he was just trying to help his friend out and make him feel better in a way....

    Oh I know that as much as my husband and I have been through that this be the least of my worries but still none the less it was upsetting to hear someone say that...

    I would not want to feel like I was a burden (sp) on anyone....or making someone stay where they were not wanted...

    Sometimes I feel men open there mouthes and say things before they think about what they are saying...

    still it makes me mad....
    Lea
    SLE Lupus diagnosed 8/8/11
    COPD,Raynauda's, IBS, Asthma, Sleep Apena, Amenia and Arthritis,Diabetes,Reflux TMJ, temporal arteritis
    Half dead, cripple and crazy but still above ground.
    Medication
    Novolog injections, Medrol injections, MTX injections, Dicyclomine, Plaqulin, Iron, Spreva inhaler, Advair inhaler, Albuteral inhaler, Fish Oil, Calcium, Diclofenac, Citalopram and doxcycline

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    Default hi

    Leann im so sorry i do know that you are so very upset about this i didnt want to write n make you think i didnt understand.I just am not good at writing it down properly.
    I was just trying to make you feel a little less worried about what you heard. I am quite sure if your husband was thinking you were a burden he would certainly not be where he is now....right beside you. When you are having a conversation sometimes you try to empathise give examples n stuff and end up saying things to please someone,even if it isnt the whole truth.Just to try and make the other person feel ok.I think by the sounds of it this is what your husband did.Your husband knows he loves you n you him,so whatever he said i am hoping it was for the friends ears only and certainly not to upset you.Men do say the strangest things yet mean the opposite sometimes.
    If this is upsetting you so much,why not ask him again,but i think he would say the same....he loves you and will apologise to you.
    I know what you mean,and im not making excuses for your husband and hope this message isnt confusing.

    Love Amanda.xxxxx
    I am still here,just been on new meds so unable to function like i used to.I will pop back,just know im thinking of you all and hoping you are keeping on keeping on.xxxxxxx

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    Default

    Open mouth insert foot. We always do that.


    Sitting on the beach drinking lemonade.
    Fair wind and following seas.
    David

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    Default

    Angel,

    don't worrie about you didn't upset me at all... I agree with Grime... sorry just like a man to open mouth and insert foot... but I am the type to worry about the dumbest things that he says I know he probley (sp) mean it.... but still I feel it makes the friend think well he's only there cause she sick... and yes why should I care what the friend thinks...(he's only staying with his wife cause they can't figure out how to divide up there money and property)... It's just the thought of what was said I guess...
    Lea
    SLE Lupus diagnosed 8/8/11
    COPD,Raynauda's, IBS, Asthma, Sleep Apena, Amenia and Arthritis,Diabetes,Reflux TMJ, temporal arteritis
    Half dead, cripple and crazy but still above ground.
    Medication
    Novolog injections, Medrol injections, MTX injections, Dicyclomine, Plaqulin, Iron, Spreva inhaler, Advair inhaler, Albuteral inhaler, Fish Oil, Calcium, Diclofenac, Citalopram and doxcycline

  7. #7
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    Default hi

    Sounds like me your husbands friend is jealous of what you n your husband have.His problem not yours.I understand fully too why you feel this way.
    Davids so funny.I call my john the digger as he digs his wholes so big he falls into em...meaning he puts his foot in it also all the time.lol.

    You keep strong.
    Love Amanda.xxxxx
    I am still here,just been on new meds so unable to function like i used to.I will pop back,just know im thinking of you all and hoping you are keeping on keeping on.xxxxxxx

  8. #8
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    Default

    i agree with both grime and angel....men talk differently to each other and regularly "open mouth insert foot". I would also add another perspective....because your husband knows how badly things are for his friend, he may have been simply down playing your relationship so as not to sound like he was bragging....this may have been his way of trying to be sensitive to his friend's situation.

    anyway, i do understand your dilemna about this....i know you don't want to be a burden, and you don't want your husband to stay with you just because you are sick....but remember your vows....this is what he promised. I sucks that life has thrown this illness into your lives, but it is reality, and life has a way of hitting us in the face with reality. So, for him to admit that part of the reason that he would not divorce you is because you are sick, is actually him standing by his vows. this is a good thing.

    Also, for him to say no to his friend's question and to expand on his love for you, would probably be considered him being mushy....and guys just don't get mushy around each other.

    i hope time will help you put this conversation in its place....which is not in the middle of your marriage.
    Phyllis

    share a smile today

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    Default

    Leaann,
    The other posters (esp Grime) are on-target, I think. We men say a lot of things to guys that 'ain't necessarily so'. Even more importantly, it sounds like this was a very hypothetical conversation and your husband may well have just been speculating, or thinking through 'what-if' scenarios.

    I hope you can shrug it off.

    And since you've started the 'what would you think' thread, what would you think if your spouse said what mine did the other night: that she wished she was a female eunuch so she wouldn't have the 'pressure' of having sex with me? (this from a woman who until maybe a year ago could probably be described as 'randy').

    Like you, I'm still working through that one....

  10. #10
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    Default

    Dear LeeAnn,

    All I can say is men can be very insensitive in the things they say. I think my boyfriend takes the cake for insensitivity. If nothing else, I am developing the skin of a crocodile. I used to be so sweet, but now I am not so sweet anymore.

    If my boyfriend was staying with me because of my illness, I don't think it would bother me to much because I told him I was sick before the relationship ever began. He knew from the beginning.

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