Thanks to all of you for the great messages and support. David, I like your 'kick it in the butt' attitude!
Things got better last nite - I gathered up enough energy to make a good dinner, and then went out on my own. She tells me I have to make my own fun (cuz she doesn't have time), so that's what I'm doing. It's a little weird - I've never been the 'hang out w/the guys' kind of guy (at least not since college), but I'm learning over again.
But anyway, after I got home she was a lot more 'normal.'
Wantitgone: I keep trying to tell her that sex is good stress relief, but not making much progress...the sad thing is how much the frequency has declined since she went back to school. But she fought me tooth and nail when I suggested a few months ago that she cut back on her class schedule and take longer to get her degree. Now she's saying she'll cut back because of the lupus, but I'm keeping my mouth shut - I'm not about to push her one way or the other.
We were going to counseling a while back, things got a lot better so we (really SHE) stopped going but now she's going on her own and says she'll go with me to my therapist, who's been wanting to talk to her for months (until recently she flat refused to see my therapist). So we'll see...
Thanks again for the great support- it means a lot to me!