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Thread: Feeling down.......

  1. #1
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    Default Feeling down.......

    I am have a bit of a trying time right now. Some of you know that I have had some blood work done and they were focusing on if I was going through menopause at 30. Some of it came back and they e-mailed it to me and it was fine. These consisted of regular blood work like cholesterol. The rest came in on Friday and the doctor said we needed to discuss these results in person. I have always had my results given to me over the phone, this was due to that fact that they have been pretty normal or consistent in the past. Something just isn't right. I tried to get in to see him Friday but he was out all afternoon. He wanted to see me as early as possible on Monday but I can not get over to the doctors until Tuesday morning. I have been sad and worried about it all weekend. Why couldn't they have just told me this on Monday so that I didn't worry all weekend???? Poopy doctors office!!!!!

    To top it off, Tim just left for 10 days. There is an annual motorcycle trip that he goes on with his brother and they leave L.A. Wednesday morning but he had to go a bit early so he could get familiar with the bike he is borrowing and to get all his gear tied down to it. He gets home one week from this coming Wednesday. They will be going through lots of mountains and there will be a lot of time where I am unable to even talk to him. Don't get me wrong, I am really happy he is going on this trip and it is great for him and his brother and all that guy bonding. I just miss him. I miss my best friend, especially when I have to go to the doctor and get some news from the doctor on Tuesday. I really wish he was going to be there with me. I asked my friend to go with me and she said of course she would go. At least I am not going to be alone.

    This is the worst part I have to admit but we are always so honest with each other here on this forum and I think it will help if I just say it. Tim and I are not married and I worry that when he is gone on this amazing trip he won't want to come home to me.....I know it is silly. It is just that I am so lucky! How did I get soooooo lucky with him????? I just don't want him to change his mind about staying beside me through my disease......or I should say our disease. Please tell me I am being silly with that. We have been together for about 3 years and it has been great......even through the hard times. I love him more and more everyday

    I just miss him! The good thing is that he took me to see a movie yesterday and we had a great time even thought I was still feeling bad from my methotrexate shot. It is so funny but when I know he is leaving I make sure my hand is touching him all night!!!!! I just think I need a dog to keep me company!!!!!! My wish is going to be answered this weekend......I am going to house sit and dog sit this coming weekend! It will help pass my time and, not to mention, I love this dog They have actually left the dog to Tim and I in their will!!!!!!! This is also the friend who is going to the doctor with me.

    Ok, I am done going on and on here! Tim will be home in 10 days and everything will be fine. Maybe the doctor just missed me and that is why he is calling me in......wishful thinking but at least I am wishing :angleic:
    As I grow to understand life less and less,
    I learn to love it more and more.

    Age 29, Lupus for last 7 years

    Medications: Methotrexate, Lyrica, Celebrex, Flexeril, Theophylline, Bactrim, Xopenex, Lisinopril, Ultram

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    Hi you...

    Hugs...squueeze...Not want to come home to you? Oh girl, I must say you are an amazing woman and no mountain, no bike trip can compare. I read it in your words, see it in your pictures...beautiful, amazing, fill with love, spirit...kindness, friendship, fun...intelligent...

    A mountain, a trail...is a moment in a a life. A hobby. Love is lifetime. When he comes home, who does he share, tell his adventure to..with excitement....? You! And I bet he is excited to share it, eh? That is special in itself. That is friendship and love. Some people come home and say nothing.

    Do you have friends...hobbies, projects.. you can do? Not to forget Tim, but to speed up the time till he comes home.

    Tuesday will come soon enough for your results...worrying won't make the time go by faster. Won't change the result. Worrying just makes the day longer, blue, icky and all the ugly gunky stuff. Don't surmise, analyze...try to figure it out...just time wasted when you could be having fun...doing something productive.

    Accept it will be bad news. Say I can handle it...move on and if it isn't when you go in on Tuesday...then it will be wonderful news.

    Keep Tim close in heart and go enjoy the day...

    Hugs with love,
    Oluwa
    I have Lupus. So *^#@! what.

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    Danica -

    Have to agree w/ Oluwa! You can feel the love that radiates from the two of you in your pictures! My grandmother still tells me not to go looking for trouble when there isn't any there. Tuesday will come soon enough and worrying about it will only make you feel worse in the meantime. I know it's easier said than done, but try not to think about it.
    Lauren

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    rob is offline Super Moderator Super ModeratorEmperor of the World
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    Hi Danica,

    I'm sorry you are having to endure a weekend of worry after a serious call like that from the Dr's office. Why do they do that? Anyway, the way I see it, you've been given bad news before, you handled it then, and you will handle it now. Remember that our imaginations can cook up some pretty grim scenarios when worrying over a weekend like this, but those scenarios are rarely realistic, or as bad as we make them in our minds.

    As far as Tim goes, I see the love between the two of you in all those great pictures you posted in your albums, and I hear the love you two share in the words you write here. Trust me, he'll be back. You say you are lucky to have him, well, he's also one lucky man to have a woman like you. Your love doesn't depend on a piece of paper with the word "married" printed on it, it's far deeper, and stronger than that.

    Rob

    P.S. I agree, those people at the Dr's office definitely are "poopy".

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    You both made my eyes tear up! Oluwa, thank you for the loving words and encouragement. My friend Krya, she is the one going to the doctor with me, called a bit ago and asked if I would go see a girly movie with her and I said yes! So, we are going to see a movie that will make me laugh I love to read and even color in coloring books......hobbies I picked up over the years of spending so much time in bed. I have three book I am going to read and I have two coloring books that have my name written all over them. I also want to post some more pictures of flowers and goodies I took for you Oluwa! I am going to try to keep my days full so they pass a little bit faster.......maybe I will do some yoga in the evening, that should help me relax!

    You are right, Tim shares his entire adventure with me when he gets home. He takes me through everyday and every event that made him smile. He always tells me that he takes pictures and records movies so that I will feel like I was there with him. Tim is my best friend and the love of my life. I know in my heart that he will come home even more loving than when he left......if that is even possible

    I have been telling myself that what is done is done when it comes to my lab work. Worrying about it today is not going to change anything tomorrow. What will be, will be. I am going to try and not to worry about it and when I feel it creeping into my mind I am just going to tell it to go away, there is no need for this! Lupus makes us strong and we learn very fast that we can take on anything.......I can do this and get through whatever life decides to throw my way!

    Thank you both so much for your encouraging words......you made me smile through my tears! I will tell you about the movie when I get home tonight........by the way, Tim checked in and he is almost in L.A. I told him to be very careful and to have the best trip in the world and I will see him when he gets home!

    You guys are the most amazing friends and support system......again, thank you!
    As I grow to understand life less and less,
    I learn to love it more and more.

    Age 29, Lupus for last 7 years

    Medications: Methotrexate, Lyrica, Celebrex, Flexeril, Theophylline, Bactrim, Xopenex, Lisinopril, Ultram

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    Danica;
    I have to agree with everyone else, and I see that you've come to the same conclusion: You and Tim share such a bond. What he sees in you goes so far beyond your illness..he sees and loves YOU! That is such a rarity these days and you are both lucky to have found it in each other. The other wonderful thing about the two of you is that you each allow the other to flourish in doing those things that you love. There is no resentment, no jealously..just missing each other. What you have, in my opinion, is beautiful, rare, and true. I can't see that crumbling for any reason!
    I also have to agree with you about the lab results. They are, indeed, what they are. But remember, whatever they are, there is something that can be done to help you. So, no matter what the results indicate, there are treatments and medications to make it better! So, there is nothing that these results can do to you that cannot be dealt with. Also, we are here for you to help you understand them and to help you decide how you'd like to proceed.
    I am happy that you have a dear friend who cares about you and is willing to be there with you and for you. You are blessed, my dear!

    Peace and Blessings
    Namaste
    Saysusie
    Look For The Good and Praise It!

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    Hi Danica,

    When I saw your post I instantly empathized with you without even reading the post because you are always happy and upbeat and to see that you are feeling down makes my heart sad. I know it is hard to have to wait for results, because then our mind starts thinking of the worst "why did they not do it this way when they always do" could be as simple as new stringent HIPPA policy in place only allowing medical conversations face to face. So I know it is a long way until Tuesday but hang in there and don't let your mind get to far ahead of you . As for you and Tim, I absolutely agree with everyone else. The two of you are truly devoted to each other and I think that type of LOVE is great to have. He treasures you and wants you to know event the smallest detail of his trip. He will keep coming back and telling you more and more details and then one day you will look at each other 80+ years old and still be doing the same thing.

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    Danica,
    Like everyone else, I agree that you and Tim seem to have a great relationship, and I'm sure that means a lot to him, too. I know exactly how you feel when he's not there. Being a military wife, I've had to endure those terrible TDYs (temporary duties) when he would be out of town for days, or weeks. We military wives joke that when the hubby is TDY, the roof leaks, the plumbing breaks, the car breaks down and the kid breaks a bone. What we're really saying is that we miss them terribly. The homecomings are the sweetest!
    You'll get through this, and he'll be home before you know it. I'm glad that your friend will be with you at the doctor's, and just as soon as you can, clue in the rest of your friends here on what he says. We'll all be checking this thread!
    Gentle Hugs,
    Marla

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    hi danica,

    i want to join everyone else in sending you words of encouragement and support....but they all said it so much better than i can, so i will just tag along with them.

    Tim chooses to share his stories with you....Tim chooses you.

    I am so sorry that you have had to endure the weekend worrying about the dr's. call...i know that tuesday seems decades away, just know that we are here to hear what the dr. says, and to hold your hand in support and/or celebration....

    i hope you are enjoying your movie....what a wonderful friend you have. Please tell her thank you for all of us here at WHL.
    Phyllis

    share a smile today

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    Danica,

    I know your doctor misses you and HAS to see you in person. You're an awesome person. Dont worry my dear, Tuesday will be here before you know it and Im sure its not bad news. I know its not bad news. And Tim probably will have a good time on his trip, but not good enough to forget or even want to leave his beautiful Danica. I'm sure you mean as much to him as he does to you. He's gonna be thinking about you the whole time he is gone. And trust he is thinking about you every minute. Danica, you didnt get lucky Tim did any man would be lucky to have you in their life. Im sorry your weekend is feeled with worry, I know the feeling and Im just going to tell you. If it was dire need for you to see the doctor, you wouldve seen him before Tuesday, the doctor wouldve made arrangements, trust. So try and relax a little, Im sending big hugs and positve thoughts.


    Love
    Chriss
    Live, love, and most importantly be grateful!!

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