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Thread: Not feeling the support

  1. #1
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    Default Not feeling the support

    Well I'm a little bummed, because I don't think my hubby is handling the "auto stuff" well. He's gone into complete shut me out mode---unintentionally of course. I've tried to discuss it with him in the past and he tells me it's stressful at work and its miserable at home so he has nowwhere to turn. I completely understand and I try to do things with him so we can focus on other things he tells me he doesn't like doing things with me anymore because I always look so tired and beat up and he can't have fun when I feel that way. As I stated in another thread he's gotten really into the working out, which is awesome he's lost over 90lbs and has ton of new friends. The problem is I think he's created another world apart from me He has been going out alot which again does not bother me what bothers me is he never invites me anymore, I think he feels if he brings me in I will be the "party pooper". I am trying on my own to do things like joining roller derby, doing things with the dogs, hanging with the girls, etc... But when it comes down to it I feel all alone.
    I'm not sure wht else to do I think I'll try to see if he's receptive to going to counseling with me because I think we would both benefit from it, but truly I think he's emotionally dead now and it makes me sad because I don't want to think of what that will mean for us. Oh well I apologize for being so depreswsing on 4th of July a day of fun and joy but I think I needed to just finally say this out loud before I burst. I hope EVERYONE HAS AN OUTSTANDING DAY--DON't WORRY I WILL TOO I'M ABOUT TO SPEND TIME WITH THE WITH THE DOGS, GRILL AND HAVE A BUD!.

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    I was in your shoes, too. Men are funny about this kind of thing. It took my hubby time and patience to get to where he could "handle" what I'm going through. Counseling is a good idea, but see if he will go with you to your next rheumy appt. People fear that which they do not understand...which is probably why he's shying away from you. He's trying to come to his own grips on the situation. Give him time, but gently push him in the direction of understanding...and don't be shy with your feelings. Let him know how much you need his support...that may be the kick in the seat that he needs. I hope you have a great time grilling out today! Feel free to message me if you want to talk further...
    Blessings,
    Carrie


    "I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe."

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    sorry to hear what you are going through. It is hard for us men to understand sometimes, maybe that is why God is allowing me to be tested with this, if you ever need a male perspective please feel free to send me a message. I truly wish you the best of luck in your trials. Have a good 4th. God Bless. Jim.
    Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulations, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort wich we ourselves are comforted by God. 2 Corinthians 1:3

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    I'm sorry that you are going though this rough patch with your husband. Unfortunately so many people don't know how to deal with a family member being sick because one it's unknown and two it's hard to see. I myself feel so bad that I have to put my husband through all of this. Sometimes I wish I would have never fallen in love with him to spare him, but that's not really 100% true. I don't want him having to deal with my issues, but I love him.

    Couseling may be a good idea if he is willing to go. Also, check out the Lupus foundations website....lupus.org. They should have a couple good books on dealing with sick family members. Also there are websites out there for those with ill spouses. That too may be beneficial!

    Keep you head up and know we are all here for you!
    Diagnosed in 1990 at age 11.
    Trust in the Lord with all of your heart!

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    Default hi

    Oh im sorry to read you are going through this,must be so stressful and sad for you.Remember we are here for you always.

    lots of love
    Amanda.xxxxxxxx
    I am still here,just been on new meds so unable to function like i used to.I will pop back,just know im thinking of you all and hoping you are keeping on keeping on.xxxxxxx

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    Spanglishqueen - I am sorry to hear that things are not going well for you right now. I think it's a good idea to invite your hubby to your next rheumy appointment. Perhaps you can also invite him to join our little family for another perspective for him. Enjoy your day today as much as you can.
    Sandy
    As long as this body works, I am going to enjoy life to the fullest for each second of every moment that I can.



  7. #7
    rob is offline Super Moderator Super ModeratorEmperor of the World
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    I found myself in the same situation a few years ago. She couldn't, or wouldn't accept the fact that I have Lupus. She would tell me that it was embarassing to be seen with me, that I was "letting myself go" in the looks and physical fitness department. This was way back when I was first diagnosed with SLE. Of course, I was really sick and on prednisone at the time, but it didn't matter.

    Counseling can be a great thing, I hope your husband is open to the idea. I'm sorry you are being left out of so many things he does. I think being in a relationship and feeling totally alone is worse than just being single and actually alone. I hope you can find some common ground and get past this. I understand how you feel.

    Rob
    Last edited by rob; 07-04-2009 at 11:53 AM.

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    I want to thank all of you for your support. Today the hubby and I finally sat down and talked and cried for a good hour We both think counseling is a good start so we can understand how each other deals with this issue. When we were talking he let me know I am not dealing with it well I'm always down or angry with it. And I think that may have been a reason he was leaving a lot too. We are going to try the hardest to make it work but we are okay if we can't make it work. We've been together 11.5 years married 2 and we are each others best friend. If we were to ever break up we would still be good friends, but we are trying to avoid that. I am glad I had the courage to vent here because it gave me the courage to talk with him which made me understand his point of view which I was taking for granted.
    P.S. Do any of you want to move in with a grumpy moody 32 year old hispanic woman with "auto stuff"

  9. #9
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    By the way any ideas on where we can find coiunselors for Lupus and auto immune isorders that work with couples?

  10. #10
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    I would suggest checking with your reumy for a recomendation and also take him with you to your next appt. It has to be very hard for someone that does not have lupus to understand what we are going through, especially when we start to question our own sanity with what we are going through.
    Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulations, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort wich we ourselves are comforted by God. 2 Corinthians 1:3

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