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Thread: Love & Lupus

  1. #1
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    Unhappy Love & Lupus

    ..Love & Lupus..
    This is something that comes across my mind pretty often. I know I am very young being only 19 but I wonder if I will ever be able to find true love having Lupus.

    It could just be when I'm depressed from having flares that I think about this but I'm not sure.

    Why would someone want to be with me? Why would someone choose to put up with me and my illness? It makes me feel not good enough for anyone. How am I supposed to make someone happy if I can't even get out of bed most days? Why would someone want to be with me if my medical bills will cause them to fall deep into debt like it did my parents? Why would someone want to be with me if I cant go on nice long walks in the sun like normal people? Why would anyone want me? How am I ever supposed to get married and try to start a family if I cant even take care of myself or even attempt to pick up something remotely heavy most of the time? How am I going to find someone to love me regardless of how the medication I take affects my body?

    It's kind of scary to think about..there is just so much to put up with on my own...how is anyone else supposed to handle it? Depression is a huge part of my Lupie Life and it gets the best of me

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    Time is never the same. Good days will come........just try to be positive i know it is very hard.

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    Awww...K!
    I am so sorry you are going through this and having these thoughts. Trust me I have them as well...being 35 and single with no kids. The man I thought I was going to marry left me about a month after I was diagnosed in Nov. 2008. I am now in therapy once a week for both depression of having Lupus and trying to wrap my head around the fact that someone I thought loved me and vice versa would be there for me no matter what...he wasn't and didn't.
    I KNOW you are worthy of love and will find love...the kind you want and need. You are young and beautiful and I am willing to bet that you will not be in pain for the rest of your life. I see remission in your future but you have to stop stressing off of life and concentrate on your health as stressing causes flare ups...which suck to say the least!
    There is a wonderful man out there waiting to meet and be with you....I hope you are ready for love! Any man that loves you and understands what you go through and is emotionally connected to you will be there for all of what you have to endure!

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    Thank you so much for your reply! I am sorry to hear about him leaving you but obviously it's his loss..how could any man leave a beautiful woman with a beautiful smile who truly needed them..you deserve a million times better. And thank you I know one day it'll probably happen but it's hard to get over those thoughts because like your ex it's hard for most people to deal with illness especially when it isn't them going threw it. I can't wait for this flare to be over and have a few months of relief and then hopefully I will stop thinking this way for awhile

    I'd just like to meet someone who cares loves me and would do anything to make me feel better like my dad..there isn't a greater man than my dad.

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    Your welcome! Thank you for the wonderful compliment! I try to keep up the appearence but some times I look like death on a soda cracker for real. Some days I can't even lift my arms to comb my hair but it gets better. As for my X...he cheated on me prior to me being diagnosed so I guess he just wasn't happy...BYE..Dirty Birdie! As for you...the flares will and are going to subside and you will feel like getting out and meeting people. I was the same way. I didn't want any of my friends to see me when I was sick and in pain. Now i have good days and I do go out and mix and mingle. You will find a man that will be all that you want and need and you have plenty of time. Focus on your health and remission from Lupus so you can feel good and move forward with your life!

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    hi k,

    there has to be people out there who care enough about others that they stay around and love someone even with lupus. There are many of us who have lost love due to the disease, and it really sucks....wish reality would be nicer to us.

    However, there are also many members who have incredibly devoted loved ones who stand with them through everything including the bad flares, and worse drs.

    Has your dr. started you on any meds? There are some medications that really help with the symptoms of lupus, but they take some time to get into our system. Some people go into remission, and have years of no symptoms.

    There are members here who are having children while facing the disease, so you see, life can go on and people do love us, we just have to meet the right ones.

    Use your Dad as your example, open your heart to someone like him, and hopefully happiness will find its way into your life....you certainly deserve some good times.

    How incredibly wonderful your dad must be, he is a lucky man to have a daughter who loves him so much.
    Phyllis

    share a smile today

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    Default Why would someone want you???

    Quote Originally Posted by K.Grams View Post
    ..Love & Lupus..
    This is something that comes across my mind pretty often. I know I am very young being only 19 but I wonder if I will ever be able to find true love having Lupus.

    It could just be when I'm depressed from having flares that I think about this but I'm not sure.

    Why would someone want to be with me? Why would someone choose to put up with me and my illness? It makes me feel not good enough for anyone. How am I supposed to make someone happy if I can't even get out of bed most days? Why would someone want to be with me if my medical bills will cause them to fall deep into debt like it did my parents? Why would someone want to be with me if I cant go on nice long walks in the sun like normal people? Why would anyone want me? How am I ever supposed to get married and try to start a family if I cant even take care of myself or even attempt to pick up something remotely heavy most of the time? How am I going to find someone to love me regardless of how the medication I take affects my body?

    It's kind of scary to think about..there is just so much to put up with on my own...how is anyone else supposed to handle it? Depression is a huge part of my Lupie Life and it gets the best of me
    Someone will want to love you because you are young, beautiful and courageous. Someone will want you to love you because despite your illness, you find a way eventually to fight your way out of bed to face the day. Someone will want to love you because it is not the debt that matters. You matter. Someone will love you because no one will understand how to take care of husband and children more than someone who has known what it means to need to be taken care of. Someone will love you because they will be chivalrous enough to pick up the heavy things so the lady doesn't have to. Someone will love you because it's you they love, regardless of the medicine you take. Someone will love you because you are uniquely you. And you do not deserve any less.

    Your depression is understandable, but take heart. You will have better days. Dsunshine is exactly right. Focus on your health. Take charge of it everyday, even when you hurt so badly that you cannot get out of bed. Decide here and now that IT will not steal another precious moment of your life. Even if you can only muster the strength to enjoy a good joke or a nice nap. Take it back. Take whatever you can, whenever you can. There is joy around you everywhere. Look for it and it will find you.

    I wish you well.

    Jana
    Life is measured not by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

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    Dreamer..thank you so much for your impute. I do believe that there are people out there that love others unconditionally and I know it wouldn't be different for me but it's hard to
    stay positive sometimes. And I have never met anyone with Lupus so meeting ladies who have children and Lupus would be amazing for me. To be able to ask questions of how they do it and deal with it would make it easier to think that one day it'll be possible for me to do it too.

    And my dad is wonderful..he would try anything and everything and spend any amount of
    if we thought it would help or fix or cure me. I would be lucky to find a guy half as amazing as him.

    I am currently on 500mg of Cellcept (6 pills a day) I was on plaqunil but my doctor said
    I no longer needed it and he told me I do not have to be on predinisone if I didn't want to because I am "just having a mild flare"...I hate that word just ugh it makes me mad!
    If this is a "mild" flare I don't even want to know what a bad flare feels like..I'd die!

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    hi k,

    have you checked into a local lupus foundation chapter? there is probably some very good ones in the chicago area. a google search should take you to their website.

    i also think you will find that it really helps to talk to each other here. I find that by sharing here, i don't really talk about it to my family and friends. hope you get as much from this group as i have.
    Phyllis

    share a smile today

  10. #10
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    Default Just what exactly is a mild flare?

    Has your doctor experienced a flare personally so as to know the difference? And if your doc is basing that opinion on your bloodwork, then maybe you are seeing the wrong doc. Bloodwork can fluctuate, and just because your bloodwork looks better to the doc does not mean you feel well. You know your body better than anyone. Take care of yourself, rest, try not to stress, and don't stop demanding that you be taken seriously and that you get the care you need. Some doctors, as you will see by reading many posts here on the forum, find it very easy to call us hypochondriacs. They use the term loosely. It carries no weight with me unless I am speaking to a doc who has lupus. Then, I might listen.

    Best to you this weekend.

    Jana
    Life is measured not by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

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