So, this whole weekend, I've felt so-so. Yesterday it hit the fan for me. Really spinny head and oh, so, so tired. This morning I decided to go in to see my primary. Why, I don't know...a need to do something I guess..when I miss work, I like to feel proactive like I'm doing something. I've been dealing with something pretty significant for 6 months now and a flare that dates back to last June. I feel like I having really "done" anything but grin and bear it this whole time (sure, went to docs, but to no avail...I might as well not have gone).
What's the hardest for me is the strain I see it putting on my family and in particular my wife. It makes me really sad, because she, along with my children, are everything to me. But I can tell that my not being myself is wearing her down. Then there is my job. I think I read on here some where that with work, you fake it until you make it....or something like that. Some days are easier than other...the last few have not been one of them.
So after sleeping forever last night, I get up this morning and call into work and go to the doctor...hoping to find something...anything. What do I get? Not much. Asked when I went to see my Rheumo. Ran a couple nothing tests. Asked about my emotional health because I teared up when she asked about my family and my job. Up to this point, the only two test that are off, with any signicance is my ANA is positve and my Anti DNA test is in the 20's with under 5 being normal. Dating back to the first 5 years I dealt with this, pre lupus diagnosis, all my tests looked good then too. Until my kidney's started failing. Of course they called it vasculitis then, not lupus, it would be another 10 years before they got the Lupus figured out. Anyway, the doctor is reluctantly considering putting me on Imuran. Worked wonders for me the last time.
But they fill me with doubts. Is it just mental health (although I think not). Apparently being depressed gives you all the symptoms of lupus. Is it an antibiotic (Levaquin) that I took back in November (that's when things got really bad and some believe that drug can do it...oddly enough, similar symptoms to Lupus). I feel like I need to take the Imuran to save my marriage, my life. But what if I"m wrong...sigh.
So, this is the battle in my life and I feel very alone in this battle...