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Thread: Is there a way to increase libido?

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    Default Is there a way to increase libido?

    It's been a very long time since I've been on this site and I must say that I think it is a great one. I have been in a great and committed relationship with my partner for about 3 years now. She was diagnosed with lupus last year. Before then we were both very "lively" young adults with high libido and always had good intimate fun together. But now lupus has taken all that away and it has gotten to a point where I feel like I'm begging for intimacy and she either can't get into it or if it's been long enough, will give in because she doesn't want me to feel bad...but then she ends up getting injured or in pain a few minutes into it.

    She knows I support her 100% and just want to have the intimacy partners should have...and that my libido is at a normal level....and I know hers is not but that she wants intimacy too...but her body doesn't want to cooperate.

    Is there anything out there that can increase libido for lupus patients? I know all the medicines on top of the symptoms can drag a person down...but is there something...even natural perhaps that can work?

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    The biggest natural libido increaser for women is "AFFECTION". Women love to make love..this does not always mean sexual intercourse. If she feels affection, warmth, acceptance, & understanding from the man, she will respond accordingly.
    This disease causes us debilitating fatigue..not just being tired, but feeling as if we are (as a friend put it) under a lead blanket and just cannot move. It is important that you understand her fatigue - it is unlike anything that a healthy person experiences. Imagine you've just run a 26 mile marathon in 102 degrees of desert heat with no water and no rest stops, and imagine that you've done this while at the same time having the worst flu you've ever had in your life! Imagine feeling that way 24 hours/day...7 days/week. How anxious would you be to engage in any activity that does not bring you a sense of love, understanding, and affection??? And remember, the fatigue is only ONE of many symptoms that she is suffering from!
    Now, imagine that you do get the sense of love, understanding and affection that you need, so you are willing to engage in sexual activity. Wouldn't doing so be even a greater gift that you are giving, considering what you are hindered with??
    Give her the gifts that she needs and I can guarantee that she will give the gift of herself.

    Peace and Blessings
    Namaste
    Saysusie
    Look For The Good and Praise It!

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    I agree with saysussie one other suggestions is the mornings are better for me the day hasn't started so i am worn out from fatigue but not the rest of the things i do durning the day. so i rather do it in the morning, that might help. and hold her caress her first we do need the affection more so.

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    I too suffer from no sex drive...I think cause I was in soooo much pain and could only think and focus on being out of pain. I agree with saysussie...AFFECTION is the key to getting women in the mood with or without Lupus. WE LOVE foreplay/affection, massages, soft kisses on our necks or hands, etc. I hope things pick up for you both and painfree intimacy!

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    Susie hit it straight on.

    Intimacy should not add to our discomfort and pain but it does. Ours has changed and we are both enjoying it. We have discovered calm gentle quiet intimacy is much more pleasurable. Justing being still together, looking into each others eyes, talking about how much we mean to each other whether it leads to the act or not is where we start.
    Ayah
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    ALCOHOL!!! (I am just kidding!) I agree with the rest of the gals. It is easiest for me to be in the mood when I feel companionship, understanding, affection, and also when I feel like he is just not there for him, but me too! Being attentive to a woman is one of the sexiest things I think a guy can do. Along with the physical, we also need mental and emotional stimulation.
    A good friend will help you move, a GREAT friend will help you move a body . . . Let me know if I need to bring a shovel!!!

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    Quote Originally Posted by froggal View Post
    ALCOHOL!!! (I am just kidding!) I agree with the rest of the gals. It is easiest for me to be in the mood when I feel companionship, understanding, affection, and also when I feel like he is just not there for him, but me too! Being attentive to a woman is one of the sexiest things I think a guy can do. Along with the physical, we also need mental and emotional stimulation.
    LOL sure git her liquered up...that'l do it! Bring her some flowers and tequila.
    Ayah
    Believe in Tomorrow - Appreciate Today
    http://twitter.com/LupieAyah

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    What about any herbal supplements or something? Been there, done that with all of your suggestions. It doesn't work. Lupus always wins.

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    Default Libido

    My husband and I have been struggling with the same problems. I recently got my hormone levels checked and discovered that my DHEA levels were <15 which was crazy low. Apparently this is a precursor to some of the other hormones like testosterone (which I was also very low in). I started taking a supplement for DHEA and so far I have noticed some increase in libido but it has only been a few weeks.

    As far as the DHEA goes the wild yam products I have read are bogus and while you can buy it over the counter getting a prescription for it or finding a OTC that meets high standards is probably your best bet. I read that there have been some studies looking at the effect of DHEA supplements on lupus patients and it was said that it can help with pain as well.

    I do want to say though, I definitely agree with the first message. Having a low libido to me means that it takes a lot more than just giving her a look like, "You wanna?" Instead of keeping the destination in mind, focus more on the journey?

    Once again, still testing this myself, but thought I would mention.

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    Default Men and women

    I'm 57 years old and was diagnosed with lupus and fybromyalgia several years ago, and just diagnosed with diabetes this week, probably from the prednisone which I can't function without it .Most of the coments are from women with lupus and your advise on the journey is something men should keep in the front of their mind. Before Lupus I was always in the mood. I was 10 to 15 years younger, and back then talking to my male friends they were to. But guess what ? our wives didn't share the same enthusiam and I felt better knowing that I wasn't alone. It still hurt my feelings, alot. I think men forget how to date or about the journey. I really believe that most middle aged men that tell there friends they do it all the time are not truthful. Now that I have Lupus I'm never in the mood. I'm in control now.I don't get rejected because I'm not in the mood. Every night and most days I feel so fatigued and I hurt more then non Lupus and Fybro people can understand. I don't mean they have never experienced my (our) level of pain or fatigue, but not 24/7 up and down with no end in sight, just workin towards illness exceptance. SO as far as libido goes I believe MOST men are different than women. So be ready young guys, you better listen to these women or your woman won't be in the mood.I'm do my best to excepted my illnesses. I've always been a workaholic. I do to much and pay the price. Every year I give my wife an out around our anniversary usually during a time of depression(which always passes). What a great wife I have. OH! I said I'm never in the mood but I know she knows she can get me in the mood. Men remember the journey and that usually things change as we are longer into a relationship. I had to go to school (counseling)to find this out and I recommend it. Get counseling and learn about them and maybe libido won't be so important. Good luck from Pat H
    Last edited by Pat H; 02-18-2010 at 08:50 PM.

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