Sorry you feel so bad. Lupus can make you feel very sad at times? Could you take classes on the Internet? Sounds like you loved you job. Do you have other things you enjoy doing? I have bumps on my face like that right now. I know how you feel. I get very down to at times. When your feeling like that keep coming back here. People here are very helpful. I get a lot of support here myself.
But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. Isaiah 40:31