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Thread: ? Urgently need advice

  1. #11
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    Hi Froggal! So sorry for what you're going through. You got some reallly good advice from some of the many great people on this site. I too believe you should HAVE him go to your drs. appts. Its from the horses mouth and hopefully he wont deny that. My husband became very upset because he saw me in turmoil and pain and could do nothing. It hurt him to see me deteriorating right before him. Like Phyllis, i have always been a very active get things done kind of person. He saw this slowly go away, he KNEW something WAS wrong because he KNOWS ME. He said what can i DO, i feel so helpless, I told him im very overwhelmed by my symptoms and finding new drs. that it would be great if he could help in the search and go with me to appts, not only for support but for an extra voice and an extra pair of ears. Hes there always at every turn i take, he even found a local support group and goes to it with me. He feels better for this and it has helped me with this terrible illness. I wish the BEST for you and i hope you can get him to a point of understanding. Just remember, he wants to fell NEEDED and WANTED through this. GOOD LUCK
    We Live in a MORTAL, FRAIL, IMPERFECT world in which the word "FAIR" doesn't always apply.Make EVERY MOMENT COUNT with the ones you LOVE because it can end in the blink of an eye. Love, Jeannette

  2. #12
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    Thank you. He has been to to doctor with me. In his mind this is something that I should be able to "shake off" and just go on with life. I am such a strong, independant person that I think that he thinks it is something that I am just blowing out of proportion. I am getting ready to have a surgery at the end of the month and the surgeon has even talked to him. I often wonder if denial is sometimes more of an issue for those that have to deal with the lupus patient than the patient themselves? Maybe I am crazy . . . Who knows!!??
    A good friend will help you move, a GREAT friend will help you move a body . . . Let me know if I need to bring a shovel!!!

  3. #13
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    Hopefully its just time that he needs to come around. He also might be so scared for you ( another emotion men dont deal with well) that hes acting out in this way. This is a life-altering disease for you AND the people who love you. You will CHANGE in many ways and it will be hard for YOU and THEM as well. Its definately an adjustment that will take time for everyone. You will truely find out who really CARES for you,friends and family as well. When people are showing anger and/or denial its usually because they are SCARED. He loves you and hes scared, just like you. Im so sorry,i wish i could push through this fresh part of it all for you. Its a herdle, but it will be gotten over. HUGSXXXXXXXXXXX
    We Live in a MORTAL, FRAIL, IMPERFECT world in which the word "FAIR" doesn't always apply.Make EVERY MOMENT COUNT with the ones you LOVE because it can end in the blink of an eye. Love, Jeannette

  4. #14
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    hi froggal,

    as you can tell, we all wish that we could make this additional stress go away, but no one has the answers....time is what will answer this question.

    I am reading a really good book (it is a thread in Laurie's Lounge) and the author talks about the extremely different ways people initially deal with a diagnosis of a chronic illness. the end result is that no matter how a person initially deals, we all have to eventually come around to the acceptance point....time is what will get you and your support team to acceptance.

    i am pulling for you and your husband,

    i am so glad you found us,
    Phyllis

    share a smile today

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