I'm Rob, and I was diagnosed with Systemic Lupus five years ago. I have undergone a drastic personality change that is oftentimes odd, and hard for others to understand. I was an extrovert, owned my own business, and I was very social and engaged with others. After my diagnosis I had to close my business, my fiancee whom I'd been with for six years left. My friends stopped coming around, and I was very much alone suddenly.
I'm now a very guarded introvert. I have a difficult time talking to people, and I live in a self imposed isolation. I don't answer the phone, I don't invite people to my home, and my family says I have become very distant, and the "sparkle" in my eye and spring in my step are gone.
Many times I don't talk to people because I have fairly severe Cognitive Dysfunction or (brain fog), as we call it. It causes me to forget words, forget entire trains of thought in the middle of a conversation, and I tend to repeat myself alot because I forget what I just talked about. The best way to explain it, is that I've lost the ability to articulate myself to others. I deal with depression on a regular basis.
Your wife could be experiencing some significant cognitive problems that are leading to her detachment and her turning her back on others. And, even without cognitive dysfunction, the constant pain and frustration of Lupus can leave a person with little or no energy. It grinds you down. There are no simple solutions for these problems. I try to interact with others as much as I can on my good days when my ability to communicate is at it's best. I also joined an online support group-this one. I talk to others here daily, and that helps me stay connected and open to interaction with others. I don't take any anti-depressants, but many people with Lupus do, and have good results.
Anyway, this is just one theory on what may be happening with your wife. I'm sure others will be along shortly with their thoughts and recommendations. Welcome to our group, and please make yourself at home.