I never take my own advice pls help!
I am always so good on giving people advice. My Mam even said to me tonight, why are you letting everyone walk all over you? You deal with all my stuff, the Doctors for me and other professionals, when it comes to you, you fall to bits? The answer is, i know its happening,but i seemed to have lost all my confidence when it comes down to me and all my self esteem. I know i have told you all about this before, but its getting to a point of no return and i need to sort myself out.
The people who walk over me are most of the medical profession. I seem to melt into a little blubbering girl when im in their presence. They are arrogant, ignorant, unprofessional and dam right rude to me.And what do i do? Nothing! I let it happen every time and talk soft and am afraid they may think im a hypaondriact. I AM NOT!!
Since Christmas Eve, the pain of the lock jaw, the tooth pulled, infections, lymph node swelling....the lot and the complaint i made when they drugged me up and i ended up in the street looking like a mad woman in her pj's...Im still not sorted out. I call the Doctor, he says see the dentist.I see the dentist, he says see the jaw specialist.From Christmas to now and still be in pain is not right!! (bare in mind a friend of mine a month ago went in with a similar problem and is nearly all sorted now). I see the specialist he says i need appointments for scans. Now dont laugh cause im kicking myself tonight still.Today was an important scan, one of two. YES i freaked out in the MR Scanner....full on, hot sweat, non breathing, nearly loosing consciousness panic attack!! Of all the times for it to happen.....it waits till im in a head lock in a machine! He only got half done.I have to go back for a 45 minutes scan of the jaw area. Its panic city now for me.WHAT PART OF IM CLAUSTRAPHOBIC dont they understand? I dont want to go back in that machine.
So as you can imagine.No scan means more waiting. The apology i got back from the christmas incident totally missed the point of what i actually went through. I took ill 4 weeks ago with severe head pain/migrane and numbness in my arms,hands,leg and face. The Doctor who i saw 3 times previous, who each time told me he was too busy and oh the classic, im busy a patient just died lol.....well he turned up 2 times, no examination, no eye contact and this time my Mam witnessed it....well he was supposed to call my Mam and tell her what he is going to do for me.NOTHING! Never heard from him since. So im in pain and numb, total face ache and feel like a total nuisance.
The Nurse who was finding me an Advocate has told me i will have to pay for it.Dont know how much, but it will take months to put into place.
So what and how do i sort my act out and get myself together, to be strong and not fall apart with Doctors? I have so many unresolved stuff now the list is too long to tell a Doctor about. If i see the practice manager to tell her about the Doctor, he will be so mad. If i get a new doctor, which by the way i did change 4 weeks ago, yet my old doctor turns up.
I have to see the jaw specialist. I actually called his secretary today.I explained im claustraphobic and can NOT go in that machine again. I asked if i could cancel the appointment with the jaw man, she said no.Keep it.I said but ive not had the scan and the appt was to go through those results.I asked to speak to the Big man himself.You know what she said to me? She said...oh we dont do that, you could be anyone on the phone. I told her, what? So i have to go to an appointment for nothing!
This is what i am dealing with.I dont know what to do.If anyone has any advise for me to get tough in any way....it would be a big help. I am totally on my own and can get no help. I have tried to sort things out, but things are getting worse.
I am still here,just been on new meds so unable to function like i used to.I will pop back,just know im thinking of you all and hoping you are keeping on keeping on.xxxxxxx