Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 30

Thread: Trouble In Paradise!!!

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Hobbs, NM
    Posts
    96
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Trouble In Paradise!!!

    First off I would love to say hello to everyone. I hope everyone is doing ok . I have missed you all so much. Now for my DILEMA.Its a long one and I need advice before i do something really DUMB. On monday of last week my husband came home around midnight. I was really upset. So before he went to bed i looked through his phone. And found a text message from some girl Named Irene. She sent him a message saying "hurry up get it" I didn't tell him anything at the time and come Tuesday morning i sent him a message and told him i was sorry for looking through his phone and asked him who this girl was. Of course me as a female i was really upset about it and cried . Not one minute after i sent him that message he called me telling me she was someone he met at the bar and needed help from someone to help her get her kids back. I say HORSE CRAP. He told me not to worry and on Wed. He told me I called that girl and she wants to meet you so you wont think im cheating on you . Well Wed night my husband, his coworkers and I went to go eat and i was suppose to meet her then. Before we got to the resturant he told me she is not coming we can meet Friday just us three. So i said ok. Thrusday night she sent him another text message and she asked " are you coming" I had his phone and i was confused and asked him and he didn't tell me anything so i left it alone. Well Come friday his coworker called me and she said can you come to work and come see the puppies . So he told me to go. I went and me and her began to have a conversation and she asked me if we fixed the problem. I told her no and that i was still really upset about i cried to her and i told i had never done anything to hurt him. I have always treated him so well. His coworker then told me the mother came out in me and i told him what he was doing was wrong only women that come up to you and ask for help from someone they don't even know esp what she does for a living i was more confused and i began to get more pissed off ....................... I then ask her well what does she do for a living. She told me" She is a Stripper" I am suppose to meet with her tomorrow at lunch but I am afraid that i just might blow up in her face and slap her . Im so hurt and i don't know what to do tomorrow so please I live in mountain time if anyone can reply to this message before noon my time i would really appreciate it. Oh i didn't get to meet her friday either she sent him a message and i had his phone and i told her this is his wife can i help . She asked me if we were meeting friday i told her to be honest with you this whole situation with you talking to my husband is causing drama and to much stress on me and its making me sick. I also told her that she was in a situation that she needs to resolve on her own and not ask random married men for help. She then told me she had a boyfriend which i thinks its crap and that she would never cheat on him. i told her to delete his number and not to text him again i gave her my cell and told her i wanted to meet with her Monday at lunch.


    thanks for listening everyone
    Last edited by SandraC1983; 03-23-2009 at 12:22 AM.
    The boundaries which divide life from death
    are at best shadowy and vague.
    Who shall say where one ends,
    and the other begins?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Seattle, Washington, USA
    Posts
    3,002
    Thanks
    256
    Thanked 148 Times in 79 Posts

    Default

    Sandra...

    I have to ask...Why are you mad at the girl, stripper...I would be with my husband if it was me in your situation?

    I would get the answers from him and if you don't believe him, would you believe her? If you do approach her, your anger should be with your husband and not her...this is just my take.

    Has he done this before? Because I wonder why the mistrust in the beginning to look at his cell log...

    Has there been red flags?

    Treating him well, has nothing to do with your situation if he is/was cheating..people cheat regardless...

    I would seek marriage counseling...because you will always be looking at his cell, looking for dishonesty regardless what his or her answers will be...

    Hope this helps.
    Love,
    Oluwa
    I have Lupus. So *^#@! what.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    maryland
    Posts
    344
    Blog Entries
    3
    Thanks
    3
    Thanked 4 Times in 4 Posts

    Default

    What does your husband do to help anyone? Second how would he know a stripper. And married men don't help women they don't know. you should be pissed at him and only him if he's not a doc or lawyer. I would never allow or permitt my husband knowing a stripper it means he had to go see her several times if not one of the above jobs. you should havn't give her your cell number and call the cell company and see if you can get her number blocked from his and yours phone. you shouldn't go see her. she can tell you a bunch of lies.

    take it from someone who cheated on their husband told him and lost everything. we don't talk to strangers unless unhappy or want to help strangers unless unhappy i think theres more to this than you think and really need to get to bottom of it before he crosses the line and its too late. you should go see a marriage counslor. so you can save this.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    3,091
    Blog Entries
    59
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 94 Times in 83 Posts

    Default hi

    HI,

    Wow, your mind must be sending you mad with this one. I was in a similar situation, an old boyfriend.

    Something in your gut knows the truth in this. Why check the mobile? Like Oluwa asked....red flags before?

    If you do meet up with this woman, remember, your husband has started this not her.He should have said NO into helping her knowing he was married or told you about it straight away.How does he know her and where from? I would be very hurt if my boyfriend, husband was helping a woman who he didnt really know and i found out she was a stripper. Of course i suppose strippers can be lovely people and it is just a job for them.But id not feel comfortable my partner to be looking at other women in a strip club,without my knowledge, cause how else would he have got to know her? I would also ask why was he doing it?

    Something in your relationship has told you to check his mobile. Good luck with the meeting if you go.Hope it all sorts itself out one way or another.

    thinking of you
    love
    Angel.xxxx
    I am still here,just been on new meds so unable to function like i used to.I will pop back,just know im thinking of you all and hoping you are keeping on keeping on.xxxxxxx

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Hobbs, NM
    Posts
    96
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default

    oluwa, thats the thing we have always trusted eachother there are times he looks through my phone and texts my friends and asks them to take me out places etc. But that night something told me to look at his phone i had this bad feeling in the pit of my stomache that just told me to look. He tends to hides things from me because he thinks im going to get mad. Of course i am going to get mad when he hides it. the reason i am also mad at this women is because my husbands coworker told her and my husband told her he was married and she continued texting him . So she knows he is married. I don't know what else to do im just so upset and crushed. I shouldn't have looked in his phone. But there should be trust in the relationship he should have told me I wouldnt have been this upset if he just wouldn't have lied to me.
    The boundaries which divide life from death
    are at best shadowy and vague.
    Who shall say where one ends,
    and the other begins?

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Atlanta
    Posts
    3,115
    Blog Entries
    1
    Thanks
    27
    Thanked 80 Times in 69 Posts

    Default

    i went through a terrible time with my first husband. i subjected myself to many years of different affairs (his) with lots of different excuses for the "friendship". all resulted in the same....their story was a cover up,

    i had one of the girls want to meet me...at first i said ok, then, decided that no this would just be unfair to me, so i declined. i am so glad that i did not meet her, then i would have to see her face in my mind as i dealt with reality each day.

    so sorry you are going through this. you can put a block on his phone, but it will not stop his actions....only he can do this. hopefully HE will fix this and regain your trust....stand strong for what is right and wrong, and what you need to make this better.

    so sorry you are dealing with this....it has been 30 years since my experience, and i still feel the pain when i here your story.

    i agree, the anger should be toward your husband....it does not matter how "good" you are,,,,this is about his selfishness.

    keep us posted , remember to keep yourself important.
    Phyllis

    share a smile today

  7. #7
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Seattle, Washington, USA
    Posts
    3,002
    Thanks
    256
    Thanked 148 Times in 79 Posts

    Default

    Sandra...

    Lets say, the stripper says she will stopping calling or it was the truth she needed help with getting her children back...or you slapped her..

    Then what?

    From this day forward will you believe him or will you look and weigh his words looking for deceit? Will you look for 'evidence'...smell clothes...search his text messages? Follow him...?

    If you find yourself questioning your instinct, if you find yourself going through his cell..after you believe him, you need to seek counseling..as that is not a life to lead..

    Frankly, if you supposedly hide things from one another, because of anger issues...another reason to seek counseling.

    Find the answers you need for this, but do it without anger otherwise it will grow even bigger than what it is..it will spill into everything in your relationship if it isn't already.

    You wrote...'But there should be trust in the relationship he should have told me I wouldnt have been this upset if he just wouldn't have lied to me.'

    Indeed, there should be trust...a relationship can not grow, flourish without it...

    Love,
    OLuwa
    I have Lupus. So *^#@! what.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    961
    Blog Entries
    4
    Thanks
    33
    Thanked 47 Times in 43 Posts

    Default

    When you lose trust in your significant other, it can drive you crazy. I had this problem with my boyfriend when I first met him. Fortunately, the trust has grown over the years and I have no reason not to trust him now. If the situation changes in the future, I will handle it then.

  9. #9
    Saysusie's Avatar
    Saysusie is offline Super Moderator Super ModeratorEmperor of the Universe
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    Victorville, California
    Posts
    7,787
    Blog Entries
    10
    Thanks
    1,640
    Thanked 944 Times in 597 Posts

    Default

    You've been given lots of information and advice already. I am posting this on Monday afternoon (California time) and am assuming that you've met with her already. I am hoping and praying that you chose not to meet with her because, as has been said already, she will more than likely only lie to you.
    If you have met with her, I am guessing that it did nothing to alleviate your pain or to assuage your feelings.
    As has been mentioned to you by others, the big issue is the lack of trust and that has been shattered by your husband. There was no way that she could have gotten his cell phone number unless he gave it to her. That act, in and of itself, was only the end result of his decision to betray your trust; and it was HIS DECISION.
    Now, his decision may have been based on unhappiness. But that does not mean that he is unhappy WITH YOU! It sounds as if he has some issues with his own self-esteem if he feels the need to begin a relationship with a stripper while being married. What kind of self-esteem booster can you get from a relationship with a stripper? I mean, he did not make a decision to begin a relationship with a righteous woman who is secure about herself and her future (well, that kind of woman would probably not go near a married man..so the situation sort of speaks for itself, doesn't it?)
    Counseling is a good means of dealing with this situation. I am suggesting counseling for yourself as a definite! If he wants to salvage this marriage, he will participate in couples counseling; but you should make sure that you get counseling for yourself so that you can get the help that you need to make a decision that is best for you and that will provide you with some peace of mind as well as an ability to move forward, no matter what your decision may be.
    I wish you the very best and my heart goes out to you.

    Peace and Blessings
    Namaste
    Saysusie
    Look For The Good and Praise It!

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Atlanta
    Posts
    3,115
    Blog Entries
    1
    Thanks
    27
    Thanked 80 Times in 69 Posts

    Default

    you know sandra,

    i agree with saysusie. you might consider getting counseling for yourself....if hubby wants to save the marriage, he will join in, but at least you will get the needed support to make the right decision for you. Even when there is no guilt, just getting past the trust issue can be very taxing in the individuals and the couple.
    Phyllis

    share a smile today

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •