Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 15

Thread: IM GOING PUBLIC!!!

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Hobbs, NM
    Posts
    96
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default IM GOING PUBLIC!!!

    I KNOW ALOT OF YOU READ MY LAST POST ABOUT THE DEEP DARK HOLE. WELL THE DARKNESS TOOK AHOLD OF ME FRIDAY NIGHT. AFTER I POSTED IT I WENT TO TAKE MY MEDS A LITTLE TO MUCH OF THEM I REMEMBER GOING TO THE BATHROOM RUNNING THE WATER AND THATS IT. A COUPLE OF HOURS LATER I WOKE UP THROWING UP IN THE ER...... VOMITING SOME BLACK TAR .........MY HUSBAND FOUND ME NEARLY LIFELESS IN THE TUB AND CALLED 911 I NEARLY KILLED MYSELF THE DR TOLD MY HUSBAND THAT IF HE WOULD HAVE NOT CHECKED ON ME WHEN HE DID I WOULDN'T BE HERE RIGHT NOW. I FEEL AS IF I HAVE DISAPPOINTED EVERYONE AND THAT EVERYONE IS MAD AT ME. IM VERY SORRY I WAS BEING SELFISH IM OVERWHELMED, SAD I HATE THIS TIME OF YEAR. IM A VERY THANKFUL FOR HAVING A CERTAIN PERSON IN MY LIFE WHO CHECKS ON ME CONSTANTLY AND EVERY EMAIL HE SENDS ME JUST LIGHTS UP MY DAY YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. HE SHALL REMAIN NAMELESS. MANY OF YOU KNOW MY LIFE IS NOT A HAPPY ONE ESP WITH MY MOTHER IN LAW AND MY HUSBAND. THEY CONSTANTLY HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT ME AND THAT JUST ADDS ON MORE STRESS TO ME BEING SICK . I WAS DENIED FUNDS FROM MY HUSBAND TO BUY PRESENTS FOR MY FAMILY AND HE HAS ALREADY BOUGHT HIS FAMILY PRESENTS THAT JUST MADE IT EVEN WORSE. I HAVEN'T BOUGHT ANY OF MY FAMILY MEMBERS A GIFT IN 3 YRS I FIGURED I COULD ATLEAST GET THEM SOMETHING SMALL TO SAY THANK YOU FOR TAKING ME TO THE DR AND HELPING ME CLEAN HOUSE AND TAKE CARE OF THE KIDS WHEN IM SICK. :cry: :cry: BUT IM STILL HERE APPARENTLY GOD DOESNT WANT ME TO LEAVE YET HE MUST HAVE A PLAN FOR ME. ONCE AGAIN TO EVERYONE HERE IM SORRY I HOPE I HAVE NOT UPSET YOU FOR WHAT I DID. IM TIRED SO TIRED MY HEART HURTS FOR DUMB REASONS AND I CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHY. THIS IS THE ONLY PLACE I CAN LET MY EMOTIONS GO I CAN'T GO TO A HEAD DR I WILL BE PROVED A UNFIT MOTHER AND I REALLY COULD NOT DEAL WITH THAT. I KEEP TRYING TO FIND REASONS OF WHY NOT TO BE HERE. OF TRYING TO SUCCEED BUT I CAN'T NOW THE REASONS I HAD FRIDAY NIGHT ARE JUST STUPID I HAVE CRIED ALL DAY OUT OF ANGER. I TOLD MY HUSBAND OFF SEVERAL TIMES I TOLD HIM HOW WORTHLESS HE WAS . I GAVE HIM A TASTE OF HIS OWN MEDICINE. :cry: IM SORRY FOR VENTING I CAN'T SEEM TO GET OUT OF THIS HOLE. GOODNIGHT EVERYONE. TO THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE ........... THANK YOU YOU ARE AN ANGEL. AND TO ALL OF YOU THANK YOU FOR LISTENING


    GODBLESS
    SANDRA
    The boundaries which divide life from death
    are at best shadowy and vague.
    Who shall say where one ends,
    and the other begins?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Atlanta
    Posts
    3,115
    Blog Entries
    1
    Thanks
    27
    Thanked 80 Times in 69 Posts

    Default

    Sandra,

    I am so incredlbly sorry for all that you endure. Thank goodness you have a "special friend" because you deserve one. Is there a church that could maybe help you get presents for your family.

    Maybe you escaping from an abusive relationship and seeking refuse with family/friends, would be the best present you could give yourself and those who care about you.

    Please take care.....keep posting....and above all "love yourself", you deserve it....A big, gentle hug to you.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Posts
    915
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default

    Hi Sandra,
    I am so sorry that this happened, but to be upset and mad at you I am not. I do understand where you are coming from. I am so glad that your husband found you and got you to the ER. When I was 15 I tried to end my life and again when I was 20. I guess you could say that it was not my time to go as I am still here. I thank god for every day. You know they can not prove you unfit as a parent if you see a Psychologist. I know that for a fact as I had seen one for years to deal with all of my issues and I had children at the time.

    I think that it is terrible that your husband will not let you buy anything for your family and yet he buys for his. I would raise holy you know what if my husband did me like that. We don't buy for either side of the family other then the kids and their mates and my grandchld. I think that your husband is selfish big time. You know the best way to get at that mother in law is to kill her with kindness. I did that to my horrible mother in law. You catch more flies with honey then you do with vinegar.

    I am glad that you gave your husband a taste fo his own medicine by telling him that he is worthless. Maybe he will turn around now.

    Any time you feel lonely, sad and down just jump on here and we will talk with you, but please do not take your life as we think way to much of you to have you gone okay. Your life is worth so much and your children need you here with them.

    Hugs,
    Kathy
    Lupus for many years. Like most of my life. Sjogrens that started at 35 and Scoliosis, Spinal Stenosis, Degenerative Disc Disease, Osteo-Arthritis of the spine, Ankylosing Spondilitis, Periferal Neuropathy, mild CP and now just recently diagnosed with PA. I had a disc replaced in December of 2007.

    Medications:
    Plaquenil, Sulindac, Imuran, Celiac diet, Tramadol and B12 shot once a month.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    3,091
    Blog Entries
    59
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 94 Times in 83 Posts

    Default HI

    Just to say how sorry i am to hear of your sadness. We are all here for you and so glad you are slowly getting a little better. I truly understand what your are going through and i am here for you .Keep taking small steps at a time.

    Love
    Angel.xx

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Chelmsford, Essex, England
    Posts
    1,044
    Blog Entries
    1
    Thanks
    15
    Thanked 14 Times in 9 Posts

    Default

    I am so sorry to hear what you are going through hun, i went through something similar b4 my diagnosis with lupus, to the fact that i dint understand what was going on with me either, i wish you well, your right god does want you for something else he spared my life too, im here if you ever want to chat xx
    **The next or $ raised WILL be the cure for LUPUS**



    ☺☻If YoU gOt OcD aNd YoU kNoW iT....wAsH yA hAnDs☺☻

    ..♪♫**.❤.**☆.。.*✿♪♫**.❤.**☆.。 .*✿

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Central Florida
    Posts
    1,000
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post

    Default

    Hi Sandra, glad you are still here. Sorry your despair had gotten so deep. You must be ment for something, to be here for others. I too have been in deep despair. Wanting to stay in my hole and not come out. Not even sure why, it actually doesn't even have to with this time of year. My hubby's the same way about gifts. He buys for his bubby, sis, mum and 2 nephews. Says my family's just too big. I buy for my mum now, told him I was going to do at least that. Made me mad too, and feels unfair.

    Well, reading your post I desided to try harder. You have such courage to tell your story. Thanks for sharing, God Bless you. May your days get brighter.
    Cheryl

  7. #7
    rob is offline Super Moderator Super ModeratorEmperor of the World
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Posts
    3,681
    Thanks
    426
    Thanked 1,105 Times in 628 Posts

    Default

    Hi Sandra,

    I know you were very afraid of talking about this to people, but I'm glad you decided to open up and get it out. It takes courage to do this. We've talked a bit, and you know I have also been down the path of suicide, and I understand much of what you are thinking and feeling right now. I'm glad you are OK, the world is a far better place with you in it. I sent you a PM also. Nobody here is mad at you, or anything of the sort. You made a bad decision that many of us here have made in our lives, and it would be awfully hypocritical of us to be mad at you since many of us also made that bad choice. I was lucky to survive my attempt to end it all. I learned a very hard lesson. I found that life, even a life with Lupus, and pain, and people treating me badly, was far better than the alternative. My situation eventually changed and I am now surrounded by family, and new friends who understand and care. Things can happen like this for you too. I know it doesn't seem that way right now, but things can change for you too. I'll talk to you later. Try not to beat yourself up over this too much, OK?

    Rob

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Location
    Illinois
    Posts
    955
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default

    Oh Sandra;

    I am so thankful that you are still with us! What a difficult path you are walking, All I can offer is words of support and comfort. And words of thanks for that husband who found you - stinker though he may be, he came through this time - - because we still have you with us.

    Dear friend, remember there is always someone here you can lean on. Many of us have walked the path of considering or trying suicide. Thankfully, most of us are still here. I have no anger for anyone who's considered or tried to end their life - it is not a thought one has lightly. I'm so glad, so very glad that you're part of my life and will continue as part of my life. There is value in each of our lives - and sometimes you can truly see the beauty in each day.

    Many many hugs of thanks that you are here with us, that you are sharing your heart with us, and that we can share ours with you.
    ~"I find hope in the darkest of days, and focus in the brightest. I do not judge the universe." (Dalai Lama)

  9. #9
    Saysusie's Avatar
    Saysusie is offline Super Moderator Super ModeratorEmperor of the Universe
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    Victorville, California
    Posts
    7,751
    Blog Entries
    10
    Thanks
    1,610
    Thanked 927 Times in 590 Posts

    Default

    Sandra;
    As Rob mentioned, there are several of us who have been down the "suicide" path and know, only too well, that feeling of hopelessness. It takes a very special person to be able to open up the way that you have and I admire that in you.
    No one here will ever be angry at you because you are struggling with so much. No one here is disappointed because we DO NOT judge you in any way. You are accepted here, by all of us, and loved by all of us.
    I am so sorry that you find yourself in this dark place again. There is nothing wrong with you because you are unhappy. Being unhappy does not make you unfit.
    You are an important member of this particular family and we are all so grateful that you are still here with us. Please know that you will always find understanding, acceptance, and comfort here. Thank you for allowing us to be the ones that you share your heart with.

    Peace and Blessings
    Saysusie
    Look For The Good and Praise It!

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    561
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default

    Im so glad that you were unsucessful in your attempt. I have been in your shoes. I have a couple of attempts in my past also. I think that you will find there are many here who either have attempted or at least had ideation in there past.


    Your husband is a jerk, hands down!

    Keep taking steps forward and if you stumble and need support we are here.

    Kasey

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •