I am so sorry you feel so badly. You have had nothing but kind and helpful words for me, from the first day I was on this site and inside I was scared and crying. I will throw down a strong rope to help pull you out of your hole so that you can sit in a comfy chair and watch the beautiful sun come up over the horizon. (or in my case here, watch to see if the rain is turning into snow yet)
I still sit and watch people do things and think, it isn't fair that they can run and jump and I can't. Sometimes it takes all I have not to become that bitter and hateful person. Then I think, I have a whole site full of friends and commrades that are like me. They all understand why I don't want to go to the mall today, or why I ask for help carrying the laundry to the washer.
I will gladly lend you an ear or a shoulder and let you vent away. Get it all out and make room for the happy feelings.
live, love and laugh often.