Living your life as a spectator. Now those are words I can identify with. To say I used to be an active person would be an understatement. I had abilities that I spent so much time developing, and they just ceased to exist in a very short time period. Like you, I walked all the time. I was into hiking, mountain climbing, anything outdoors. I was a competetive shooter, I even used to jump out of a perfectly good airplane from time to time. One summer, I hiked across the Grand Canyon, not once, but twice. Now, the few hundred yards to my mailbox just kills me. My garage is a jumbled mess too. My life and house are a chaotic mess. I can't think straight anymore. Cognitive problems we all know as fog have put a wet blanket over my brain most days.
I know how you feel, I really do. Lupus sucks, and it probably won't ever get better. I joke with people that the only Lupus symptom I haven't yet experienced is remission. I don't know if misery loves company, but it does help to know that you and I are not the only people going through this. I know you are not whining, or complaining. Reality hurts. All we can do is savor little victories. I set myself small goals for each day. Sometimes they are just tiny little things. Things most people do with no effort, or a second thought. I try to focus on what I can do, and let go of those things I can no longer handle. It's easier said than done though.
Just know that you are not alone.