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Thread: Sometimes I get so depressed

  1. #1
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    Default Sometimes I get so depressed

    I realize that I wont ever get better from Lupus. It will not ever go away. It sucks.
    What I dont get or rather just get plain frustrated about is that I cannot do the things I used to do. And then I get stressed because I want it done and it needs to be done and b/4 I would just do it. Now if I am to do it I need help.

    I used to walk 2 to 3 miles every day. I used to be able to mow my lawn, to clean my garage, To drive myself somewhere, to go shopping, to cook a meal. to clean my house, to play catch or soccer or tag with my kids. Now I cannot do any of that.

    I can only walk about 60 steps around my backyard, nevermind mowing the lawn. The garage is a huge disaster and it stresses me out to the point I go out a different door so I dont see the mess, but I know is there. Shopping...I am not allowed to drive because I do not have the endurance and can only manage to be out for one hour. Cooking and cleaning are too strenuous...
    Playing with my son...anything physical takes too much out of me and I hurt.

    I am just a spectator. I just watch life and living pass me by.

    THats all. Not trying to whine or complain....just my reality.

    K

  2. #2
    rob is offline Super Moderator Super ModeratorEmperor of the World
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    Living your life as a spectator. Now those are words I can identify with. To say I used to be an active person would be an understatement. I had abilities that I spent so much time developing, and they just ceased to exist in a very short time period. Like you, I walked all the time. I was into hiking, mountain climbing, anything outdoors. I was a competetive shooter, I even used to jump out of a perfectly good airplane from time to time. One summer, I hiked across the Grand Canyon, not once, but twice. Now, the few hundred yards to my mailbox just kills me. My garage is a jumbled mess too. My life and house are a chaotic mess. I can't think straight anymore. Cognitive problems we all know as fog have put a wet blanket over my brain most days.

    I know how you feel, I really do. Lupus sucks, and it probably won't ever get better. I joke with people that the only Lupus symptom I haven't yet experienced is remission. I don't know if misery loves company, but it does help to know that you and I are not the only people going through this. I know you are not whining, or complaining. Reality hurts. All we can do is savor little victories. I set myself small goals for each day. Sometimes they are just tiny little things. Things most people do with no effort, or a second thought. I try to focus on what I can do, and let go of those things I can no longer handle. It's easier said than done though.

    Just know that you are not alone.

    Rob

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    Thank you Rob. I am sorry that this disease has taken away your life as well. It sucks. It is so hard to keep a good outlook on life. You seem to be able to do that. I am struggling with that.

    K

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    rob is offline Super Moderator Super ModeratorEmperor of the World
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    It might seem that I have a good outlook most days, but I don't think I do. I'm getting better at letting go of the past, and the loss, but it's hard. I have days where I'm full of hope, but I still have alot of days, and some terribly long nights where I get so depressed. But, before I found this place, I didn't talk to anyone, or go anywhere. That's getting better, so there is a little light at the end of the tunnel. One thing is for sure, Lupus sucks.

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    Hey guys...
    Im sorry Ive been MIA...Ive been really sick. Long story (boring) I dont feel like getting into right now.
    But boy oh boy - can I relate to both of you right now...Im depressed, my house not being the way I like it is making me crazy - I miss life so much!! Thank you both for sharing.
    Ill be coming around much more...I really miss you guys!!
    Love Lauri
    For God has not given us a spirit of fear; but of power, love and a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7

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    Hi Lauri,
    I am glad that you are back and I am sorry that you have been sick. Everybody missed you a lot.

    Hugs,
    Kathy
    Lupus for many years. Like most of my life. Sjogrens that started at 35 and Scoliosis, Spinal Stenosis, Degenerative Disc Disease, Osteo-Arthritis of the spine, Ankylosing Spondilitis, Periferal Neuropathy, mild CP and now just recently diagnosed with PA. I had a disc replaced in December of 2007.

    Medications:
    Plaquenil, Sulindac, Imuran, Celiac diet, Tramadol and B12 shot once a month.

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    rob is offline Super Moderator Super ModeratorEmperor of the World
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    Lauri! I was ready to send out a search party for you! How are you doing? We were worried. It's funny that you decided to say hi in this thread. Knowing you're still hanging in there makes me, well, less depressed! How is your son, I believe his name is Jack? I saw a new Star Wars game at Target today, and I thought of you guys. I'm happy you're back.

    Rob

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    Saysusie is offline Super Moderator Super ModeratorEmperor of the Universe
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    Hey Lauri;
    Welcome back! It was so good to see your post. I am sorry to hear that you've not been well, but so glad that you are able to re-join us.

    Peace and Blessings
    Saysusie
    Look For The Good and Praise It!

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    NoodleMom,

    I feel as if we're all in the same boat. I've been in denial during the beginning. I was first diagnosed with SLE Feb '06. I was diagnosed with a disease I was not familiar with. I've been working in the healthcare field for a while now, and have never come across lupus before. I was scared and angry at the same time. Not knowing what's going to happen to me, will I be sick for the rest of my life??

    I've become depressed (I've better now, but, I still have my down days). I've always been an active person, I loved the summer, the sun, adventure. Knowing that I have to change my lifestyle was very upsetting. Being in the sun is a no-no now. I still try to enjoy it now, but I try not to stay out too long, stay in the shade, and cover myself with lots of sunblock. Taking walks, playing tennis is different now. My endurance is very low and the sun and heat totally suck the energy out of me. Things I like to do, I can't anymore.

    Before I got sick, I was in graduate school. I was so close to finishing up. But, then I got sick, and diagnosed. Lupus has changed my life. I've lost the motivation to continue with my studies. My aches and pains and fatigue seemed to make things so difficult. I feel like my brain misfires, forgetting things all the time 'brainfogging'. I get distracted easily. So, going back to studying seems impossible. :? I'm grateful that I have a full-time job (provides me income and health insurance) but I wanted to further myself with another degree, but I know have to accept that I really can't do it anymore, or at this time. Maybe in the future. I'm already 32, I want to get married and have a family soon. Going back to school will be more difficult then... Oh me oh my!

    Now, I take one day at a time and do what I can. I should be grateful with what I have. Its hard, but I'm trying to stay positive.

    I do have lots of bad days, but a good day always comes along some time.
    "I've learned that when bad times come, you can let them make you bitter or use them to make you better."

  10. #10
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    Hi everybody -
    I missed you all so much...Rob, how cool you thought of my Jack when you saw the game..lol. Actually, he was the Joker for Halloween and looked SO awesome!!
    Im going to start a new post to say hello to everyone and, of course, I have so many questions as to what is going on with me...meds, flare, etc - and there is not a more reliable and compassionate site than this one.
    Im so glad Im back!
    Love to all -
    Lauri
    For God has not given us a spirit of fear; but of power, love and a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7

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