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Thread: My heart hurts....

  1. #1
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    Default My heart hurts....

    I received a phone call from my sister last night.

    She asked me if any of our cousin's had called. I filled with dread.

    No, I told her.

    She said that our favorit auntie had passed away on Friday. She was very upset that non of our cousins had called to tell us. Our families had been very close when our mother was alive.

    When she died suddenly from a heart attack (lupus related) my aunt was devestated.

    Our cousins started pushing us away. When my sister was diagnosed with lupus it became obvious that they did not want us in their lives.

    Except for our aunt. She always made a point of telling our cousins that we should be invited to all family events because she wanted us there.

    I have a sinking feeling that we are not welcomed at her funeral and it breaks my heart because I know she wouldn't want that.

    I'm not sure how this is all going to pan out. I am going to my sisters today. It's thanksgiving in canada. So we're having our turkey dinner together.

    This next week is going to be rough. I broke out last night in hot flashes and my face flared with a rash, this added to the mouth sores and swollen legs, I feel like throwing a bag over my head and hiding in a dark corner.

    I miss my mom so much, and now her sweet and gentle sister has gone to be with her. My heart hurts so much.

    Thanks for listening

  2. #2
    rob is offline Super Moderator Super ModeratorEmperor of the World
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    I'm sorry you've had so many bad things happening lately. You can't seem to get a break either health-wise or emotion wise. Seems like everything happens all at once. Family disputes and problems can be some of the most stressful things in life. I hope you can go to her funeral service, especially since your Aunt would want you to be there.

    Have a happy Thanksgiving. My mother is Canadian, and we're having a little get together for Thanksgiving today too at her house. I'll be thinking of you.

    Rob

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    Thanks Rob,

    I think my sister and I agree that we will handle this as our mother would have wanted. Dont make any waves and just let people grieve.

    If they dont want contact with us, then so be it. No point in making a fuss.
    Oh look ... a cookie

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    As for my flare, this usually happens when I'm stressed....and I am

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    Oh, Susan...

    I missed your post from earlier this day...Head hugs, girl. I am sorry your heart hurts so...

    I do hope you go to the funeral and/or wake...to say your goodbyes, your love to your Auntie. I think you will feel a greater loss if you don't. In and out...at the wake. No conversations is needed with anyone. Services are for the grieving to say what their heart feels...not for the crowd, the living relatives who are in the parlor.

    Usually people are polite and courteous on those occasions...I do hope you and your sister go...just go in holding each others hand, say your words at your Aunties side and leave.

    Sometimes funerals, the burial is different, immediate family only..leave flowers after they leave or the following day...

    Don't let anyone stop you from saying your heart, not even a cousin...it wasn't their life...

    Don't hide, put cool compresses on your cheeks...

    I wish I could mend your heart, Susan...head hugs..tight ones...it hurts to miss a Momma, I know. I am sorry you feel that.
    Hugs full of love,
    Oluwa
    I have Lupus. So *^#@! what.

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    Awww thank you Oluwa

    My brother is on his way as well, yes we are all going to the funeral. It's Wednesday morning.

    I'm going to have to have a chat with my brother and get him to calm down. He's pretty worked up about the whole thing.

    You are 100% right. It's not about family dynamics it's about our personal grief for the loss of someone we love and cherrish.

    It's my sister's and my intension to go and pay our respects to our auntie and leave.

    I just need to get my brother to calm down, he's not doing himself or anyone else any good by being worked up.

    I think everything will be okay. I'm pleased my sister is of the same mind that I am. No sense in all the drama so we'll just walk away from that.
    Oh look ... a cookie

  7. #7
    rob is offline Super Moderator Super ModeratorEmperor of the World
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    Hope you had a good Thanksgiving yesterday Susan. We had a good one at Mom's house. Hope your Monday is tolerable (I hate Mondays).

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    My brother is on his way here....we really need a "not amused" smiley face thing.

    I spoke with him on the phone last night and he drove me nuts. Lots of woes me and heavy sighs and speaking in the "someone has died" low voice so you can barely make him out.

    I know that sounds cold and I really don't mean it that way. But he will go on for 3 hours on the phone like that. And it was cooking my last nerve.

    I will be patient with him...I will...really...I will :lol:
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    Susan, SITC...

    I'm am happy you are going, really. I understand the Auntie Momma connection. The only sister of your Momma because I feel that way about my 87 year old Auntie in the UP. She is the only sibling connected to my Mom now....

    When we go to the UP, I want to hear her stories of yesteryear, take a sauna...learn a bit of Finnish..make cookies for her....

    It may seem cold in words on a screen about your brother, but it isn't. You are not a cold person, just grieving and coping.

    I hope the mourning of her loss is soon eased by celebration, memories filled with laughter and smiles...head hugs.

    Love,
    Oluwa
    I have Lupus. So *^#@! what.

  10. #10
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    Thanks for understanding Oluwa,

    While I miss the ability to visit with my auntie and enjoy the fact that she is so much like my own dear mother, her own grief over the loss of her sister was enormous.

    My heart is at piece as I think of them being reuinted finally. My deepest grief is for the suffering of my uncle. His love for his wife runs deeper that words can say. Truely one of the greatest loves my eyes have ever witnessed.

    It hurts knowing that I am cut off from him. My sister and I have been pushed away by our cousins. So be it, there's nothing I can do about that with out causing my uncle a great deal of stress. So I keep him in my heart and in my prayers.

    My brother has been steadily become more and more morose over the past 2 yrs. My sister and I have spent a great deal of time trying to reach through to him and let him know that we love him dearly and needs to take care of himself and find the joy in life.

    All he ever finds is something to worry about, or fretts himself in to a corner over little details.

    It's hard trying to cut through his fog. I wish he would seek professional help and actually "hear" what is being told to him.

    He doesn't take very good care of himself physically or mentally. He's just sinking deeper and deeper into a black hole.

    We have tried everything we can think of to help him realize that he needs to stop worrying about his health and start taking an active role in caring for himself. He wont start to feel better till he treats himself with some respect.

    I'll stop there...I am worried about my brother and just want him to find some joy and peace.

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