Saysusie, I know you are so right. Thank you for speaking those words of blessing on me. I've been just trying to think of how worse this could be and of those who are so much sicker and have so many other things to worry about besides just being sick. I of course then feel so guilty for feeling so depressed about this. I get to be a full time stay at home mom. We have a good family business which my husband and oldest son manage very well. We do not have financial problems. I can afford to get household help if needed. We do have insurance. Both of our parents are still living and in fair to good health and live in our town. I have faced adversity before. All three of our bio children had major health issues at one time. One almost died from a ruptured appendix at age 14. He recovered after three surgeries and 21 days in the hospital. He is now happily married to a wonderful young lady and has an 18 mo. old son. He joined our family business after graduating from college and lives nearby. Our oldest daughter had open heart surgery at age four as a result of a birth defect. She also had JRA and fibromialgia as a child and teenager. She is doing well now and is happily married and has two children. Another son had a rare inoperable tumor attached to his carotid artery that almost killed him at age 15. He was treated and cured with high dose steriods. He is now finishing is degree while playing professional baseball at age 21. The nine children in the home have really adjusted well considering the oldest eight have had to learn a new language and culture. The youngest, a five year old son was adopted at birth here in our home state. He has many problems from his bio moms drug addictions. Even so, he is my sunshine. I can't imagine our life without him! He does wipe me out though! I've tried to think about all the people with Lupus that don't have insurance or that have to quit their jobs etc...... I will tell my husband about this after Christmas. I don't want the kids to know though. I have to go for a kidney biopsy.. It appears that I do have kidney involvement. That has also been scary. My daughters mother in law died this year from kidney failure....she suffered for a long time and was on dialisis for a few years. Thank you for the blessings and support and being here.