Wow, we've all been there at some level, at some time.
May gathering together like this help all of us find the strength to stand above the fray - WE know what we can and cannot do on any given day, and WE know in our hearts that we live every day the fullest that we can.
One choice I hope you consider carefully, mightyblocksman, is those wonderful children of yours - who will be hurt if you deny them their grandparents? The grandparents or the grandchildren? If you show love and compassion, and help the kids understand what lupus is for you, and how you are living to your best every day with that condition, then maybe their love for you can help their grandparents learn. If not, the children will eventually decide whether or not they want to see them again. They will know love in your home, and want to be in that environment.
I send you and everyone who's responded to your anguish a cyber hug and all the strength my shoulders can bear. We are a circle of support together.
~"I find hope in the darkest of days, and focus in the brightest. I do not judge the universe." (Dalai Lama)