Also_ran, I will grieve with you over the loss of those things that you miss. Know that we all really, really DO understand here. Everyone here has faced some kind of loss, and grieves it every day.
It must be so hard at your age - I'm a lot older than you (a LOT :cry and it was a hard thing for me to hear. Going to the doctor is never a treat, but when you know it's going to be not-good news, it's so hard to go alone. I hope your bf will be around for your appointments in the future. I drag my husband along whenever I can.
This is a wonderful place to find support and someone who can 'listen' and give you some honest answers (or just a shoulder to cry on.) Do you have a lupus support group in your area? It might be good for you to find a local group, too. I have a good support group in my town, and seeing them regularly is like therapy - I just came from lunch with some of this group, in fact. Like this 'family' here on WHL, we can talk about being sick without feeling embarrassed or like we're 'whining'...that's what a support group is for, right?
I hope this group can give you some of the support that you need. There's always someone here to answer questions, and I think you'll find that there's always someone who had an experience similar to yours.
Hope tomorrow is a better day for you.
"If you trust Google more than you trust your doctor than maybe it's time to switch doctors."