While I am certain women have many of these same feelings, I think men have a harder time dealing with my current frustrations. For 20 years I was an eletro-mechanical technician with and electronic engineering degree. I absolutely loved being a field technician. I loved the income, I loved the freedom, I lovd the satisfaction of conquering problems.
Well, those days are gone. The effects SLE has had on my cognitive functions have pulled me from bring talented enough to be a service manager to being a slow and unreliable technician. Even while I had retained the energy to work full time, I made so may errors in the field the company owner thought I was screwing up on purpose. So, my lifelong career is gone.
I started a business repairing appliances, far simpler mchines than what I use to fix, with the service calls infrewuent enough that I can take my time and triple check myself to eliminate dumb mistakes. To make ends meet, I took a job as a clerk at the local 711, midnights 4 nights a week.
But now, I am simpler sicker than I was a year ago and can no longer work that many shifts. It is terribly upsetting to find myself being able to do less and less and less to support my family. I've gone from main bread winner, despite my wife's good income, to very nearly a burden on our finances.
And so I'm home alot... I can find other ways to help, right? Cooking, cleaning, projects... and I did, for awhile... but now I'm too tired, too hurting or, at the worst times, simply too confused to get things done around the house.
I'm not giving up, mind you. I have a voice many find incredibly soothing so I am invertigating voice over work, hoping I have a hidden talent for voice acting. Maybe I'll finally finish the book I've been writing for 12 years. There are always options.... but man, it's hard seeing my input in my home grow less and less physical, hard watching my youngest through a window while he play out in the yard under the poison sun. Hard, too, letting some greedy mechanic charge me 30 times what I wouldspend had I the energy to do the repair myself.
I don't mean this in an offensive way, ladies, I understand you all have the same wants and needs, so please don't gt mad when I say the following.... this disease is emasculating. And sometimes, like today, it all gets to be a bit too much.
Thanks for letting me whine.