Welcome to the forum. I am sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time...it was 18 months ago that I was standing by and watching my father die of barretts esophogus turned to cancer. It was very hard to be day and night taking care of him before hand....the last few months have found my siblings and myself trying to make decisions concerning my mother...I understand how hard it is to become caretaker.
6 years ago found me the main caretaker of my mother in law who had alzheimers...she has since gone home, too.....so I understand how bogged down and how it feels like you are drowning....the fear of losing and the having to make decisions that are painful.
Like Rob said...if you don't have any...get some sort of hobby...something that helps you relax...when my daughter was in the hospital recently...I started cross stitching...it was very cathartic for me...reading might be another idea....
I have found that this forum is a real release......there are some people who do care for you and will be there as a shoulder to cry on.....it has been a great help for me......
I understand the problems that you are running into with your Lupus and caretaking....my only suggestion is to carve out some time for yourself....... :roll: I know easier said than done........and at the moment I am being the "kettle who called the pot black" (one of my mamow's sayings).....it means that I don't practice what I preach....I have been putting others before me.....I am getting better and you will too because sometimes the lupus dictates.
So why don't you have a time when you run a nice bubble bath or get in a sauna (if you have one) put on soothing music... and veg.
I do that at times....make one night be order in night....and another be sub sandwiches night (you put all the ingredients out and the family makes their own) Just find some ME time even for a few moments or only a few moments every few days...that way if you know it is coming you can look forward to it.......
And by all means....come here to let off steam...that is what we are here for.
I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep, and miles to go before I sleep.......Robert Frost