ABOUT fours years ago, i was doing the thinking positive thing. i was ready for anything. i got up, and got dolled up. i felt great for a change. i remember saying to someone who was a friend at the time how great i felt. i told him i even felt pretty (thats not normal for me, feeling pretty) he suggested i take a picture of myself. i took more than a picture. and they were good pix too. im sooo glad i did tho. they are posted on my bedroom wall right now, and i think to myself when i see them, i have to find back that girl.

however, within weeks of my private photo shoot, while showering and washing my hair, i noticed a lot of hair falling into my hands, into the tub, down the drain. i had thought i had gotten used to the the hair loss, but it had never before been that bad. over the next few days, it continued more and more. then i brushed my hair all back, rook a photo of the top of my head, and was shocked, i couldnt believe i was absolutely balding, in the middle of my head. i cried sooo much, i didnt feel pretty anymore. no one saw me without a hat for months. i got teased so much. with guys always finding it amusing to try pulling it off. i was devastated.

these days tho, i have my hair back. no where near what i had before, but i ditched the hats, and just work with what i got. i just keep it low now. so when it starts falling out real bad, it isnt so noticed.

i still stare at those photos, and dream of being that girl again.

since writing this too, i decided to create a little album of my happy days. so i remember those more than the bad. im gonna keep taking pictures.

if i feel better today than yesterday, i deserve a pik... hmmm im liking this idea...

i still lose my hair everyday... i have awful bald spots, but its not as bad as those months when i had none.