My girl friend, of over 3 years, said goodbye on Monday as we talked on the phone. She said that I reminded her of what she would never have and she wanted to be left alone, a new start. She said that she loves me, but that I should leave her alone if I love her. Her lupus had been in remission for many, many years and it came back about a year ago. I do not know all that she is going through because for the most part we did not talk about it much. Not a good idea based on all the reading I have done on this site. I think we were trying to hold onto “normal”.

She also has abandonment and insecurity issues, but I love her. We had made inroads into these areas, but something has changed with her Lupus and she has panicked. When she panics, she says goodbye.

There is an eight-year age difference between us as I am in my late forties and she is older. I believe a portion of this is a favor or gift, as she wants to spare me having to go through this with her. I have not asked for this in any way shape or form.

It just doesn’t make sense to push away someone you love and loves you. In a world where it is not easy at all to find people who truly care, how can this be better?

I realize that our relationship will change, but isn’t it so worth it to hold onto the person you love? It is worth it to me.

My heart is heavy as I miss my friend and lover.

Jeff