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  1. #1
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    I haven't been logging in much. I have been really busy with college, kids and work. I have just been pushing on. Dealing with things as they are dealt to me. Work- I love the job, I love working with the people I work with. But, I realize it's too much. Being on my feet, basically a waitressing type job, 5 days a week is killing me. I don't like disappointing people but, I have come to the conclusion that I can't keep up this pace. I am having horrible headaches, muscle spasms, muscle cramps, light flashes (like a camera going off in my head), and I am fatigued. I have been waking with headaches during the night, they hurt so bad I am in tears. There are days I have taken 8 Advil, 2 Aleve, 2 Tylenol and my migraine med(within a few hours).... and still had the headache. I have tried to ask my boyfriend's sister for one more day off during the week( I work Mon- Wed, Fri and Sat) but, she just isn't getting it. I decided that I have to "tell her" I am taking Tuesdays off. It won't be an option, if she doesn't like it... oh well. I have told her for weeks that I need a day off during the week that I am doing too much... she hasn't taken the hint. I feel like I am being ignored and used. This of course is causing me more stress and isn't helping me at all... I am trying to be strong and not to complain to my boyfriend. I don't want him to think I am a complainer, or that I don't want to work for his sister, and I certainly don't want to cause stress between her and I. I do love the job, I just can't do it as much as I hoped... I need to find strength to approach her about this. I hate conflict, I hate telling someone that I can't do something that I thought I could. I hate letting people down. Of course today I downloaded to my boyfriend and now I feel like I let myself down and he saw my weak side again. I try not to let him see it. I don't ever want anyone to know that I cry inside. The truth is lately, I do many times a day. I am so overwhelmed I want to crawl in bed and just cry and sleep for a few days... I wish I had the time!!!!!

    On another note... my thyroid tests were good, including my thyroid scan, so it looks like my goiter has receded and I can go off the synthroid!! it's always nice to take less meds!! On another note, I went to the eye Dr and they said my optical nerves are different sizes???? She said my pressures were good so she wasn't concerned..... I see my Rhuemy on Tuesday so I'm going to mention it. My regular Dr. wants me to see a neurologist because of the headaches. I know the eye dr said that the optic nerve thing wasn't a concern, but head aches, eye flashes and that different sizes?? I'll have to bring it up to the neuro also... I hate having so many doctors. I feel like a hypochondriac lately... I just want "to be able" to do what I "want" to be able to do..... lately I have been trying, trying more than I should... of course my mother, says to me the other day. "what does your boyfriend think of all your ailments?" The tone she said it in still hurts me. I don't think she understands half of it...

    Well I have homework to do for college, kids to get ready for bed and other things to finish up...I think I'm going to forgo the usual Sunday night shower chaos and have the kids shower in the morning before school... I just can't do it tonight!!!

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    Hi MommyKaren

    We haven't met before...I'm new here. And may I say WOW...you are one busy momma! Can you afford to move to a part time job? If so you could use to slow down for a bit. Hugssss hope you get a good night sleep.
    Oh look ... a cookie

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    MommyKaren,

    I understand you plight but at the same time you don't want your boyfriend's sis to think you just lazy either, talk to her it make end up better thatn you think- it may not even be conflict, although conflict is not always bad and sometimes needed.

    You want to slow down before while your body is allowing you to- or it may do it for you. Listen to your body, you know your limits despite what you greatest intentions may be. Balance things out.

    Good luck to you!

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    rob is offline Super Moderator Super ModeratorEmperor of the World
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    MommyKaren,

    We've never met either. I'm one of the few "guys" here. So much of what you are saying rings true, and I've said, and felt many of the things you talk about. Not wanting to show a weak side, feeling as though you are letting people down, not wanting to be a "complainer", I know what you mean. Don't be afraid to come here to unload. Nobody will fault you for it.

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    Hi MommyKaren :lol:
    The optic nerve is the structure in the eye that contains a bundle of small nerve fibers wrapped into one large nerve fiber that takes the signal from the retina to the brain. It's sort of like a fiber optic cable. The optic nerve is located at the back of the eye and is most famous for being the cause of everyone's "blind spot." Everyone has about 1.2 million nerve fibers and about 30 to 40 percent need to be lost in order to pick up damage. The primary things that can cause nerve damage is eye pressure. However, it has been suggested that other causes, like poor blood flow, toxic chemicals, and free radicals can also cause optic nerve damage. These are being investigated, but have not been really proven yet. With reference to your different sized optic nerves, it is not unusual for people to have different sized optic nerves. For some people, this is normal.
    Glaucoma can result from optic nerve damage and glaucoma can cause eye migraines. Also, there is a condition known as optic nerve migraines. The diagnosis of retinal and optic nerve migraine must be made only after other causes of transient, unilateral scintillating scotoma (the most common visual aura preceding migraine). Scotoma usually begins as a spot of flickering light in the center of the visual fields, then expands into one or more shimmering arcs of white or colored flashing lights. Doctors will also want to rule out photopsias (appearance as of sparks or flashes).
    These visual episodes of migraines usually last between 15 and 45 minutes, and an ipsilateral headache (On the same side; affecting the same side of the body- The pain of a cluster headache is usually accompanied by other ipsilateral symptoms), eye ache, or feeling of discomfort may develop afterward. It is not uncommon for people to report having a history of common or classic migraines.
    These optical nerve headaches have been reported in people with ocular ischemic syndrome due to carotid artery disease, retinal vascular disease, tumors and inflammatory conditions of the posterior eye, macular edema, and demyelinating optic neuropathy.
    I don't know if your migraines are due to optic nerve damage and are, therefore, optic nerve headaches or due to onset of glaucoma. But, it is something that you can discuss with your doctor.
    In reference to your job, I agree with Pretty-in-Pink. It might be time for you to sit down with your boyfriends sister and explain to her exactly why you need a day off, why you do not have the strength that you hoped you'd have and to make sure that she understands that it is not laziness on your part, nor is it an unwillingness to do the job (Cuz Lord knows how badly you want to be able to do the job!) and that you are not trying to hide behind an illness. She needs to know that your symptoms are very real and that they, unfortunately, limit you in ways that you did not realize they would do so. Perhaps you can even print up "The Spoon Theory" and give it to both her and your boyfriend. Also, you take take some of the posts in these forums to her and to you boyfriend to help them to understand this disease and so that they can appreciate how hard you are working to try to maintain a normal lifestyle. I think that you should be commended for your ability to be a mother, a student and a good employee. My hat is off to you because I UNDERSTAND how hard it is. It is time for your boyfriend and his sister to come to that same understanding.
    I wish you the very best :lol:

    Peace and Blessings
    Saysusie
    Look For The Good and Praise It!

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    Hi, MommyKaren. Nice to see you posting again. I'm sorry you're stretched so thin. You really DO need to talk to your boyfriend's sister, and be open and honest. You don't need to apologize for something that's out of your control. And the longer you push yourself to exhaustion, the worse it may be for you.

    I have weird optic nerves, too. Mis-shapen, odd sized. Had that for some time. I now also have glaucoma (not severe) and am on eye drops for that. Pressure is good now. Steroids use can lead to glaucoma, my eye doc tells me. But, so can lupus itself, I guess. The doc watches my optic nerves closely, but he isn't overly concerned. Are you near-sighted? I'm very near-sighted, and I think that also affects the shape/size of your optic nerve.

    Hope you find some answers to the job-puzzle. I know how difficult it is to cut back when you like what you do. I'll keep sending good thoughts your way....

    Jody
    "If you trust Google more than you trust your doctor than maybe it's time to switch doctors."

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    MommyKaren,
    My husband and I owned a restaurant a few years ago, and I can tell you from the point of view of an owner: it would be better to cover your shift one day a week than to lose a really good waitress!! You do not have to threaten this. State the facts. You are getting worn down, and you don't feel you will be able to keep up the current pace. The only solution you see is reducing your weekday load by one shift. This should preserve your other shifts (when she probably needs you more, anyway). She may be disappointed, because you sound like you are probably an awesome waitress!! On the other hand, she won't want to lose you by refusing to see that you need less stress.
    I agree with the others: you are NOT lazy. Gosh! You are in school, being a mommy, dealing with a difficult disease, and working a hectic job! Wow! Lots of healthy people (taking out the "dealing with a difficult disease" part) would scramble to keep that up! I know you are trying to work through a new relationship, but the boyfriend really should support you, if his affection for you is sincere. It's not like you are walking out on his sister. Unloading on him - well, we all have to let go of the tension inside sometime. How can you not get headaches, if you keep it all inside?
    I'm a little worried about the amount of medication you are taking. Short term, this probably is okay, but how long has this been going on? Tylenol should never be taken in excess of 3500-4000 mg in a 24 hour period, and generally, not more than 2500 mg in 24 hours for days at a time. By my calculation (if you are taking 500 mg tabs), you are taking 3000 mg a day plus the other things. Be careful. If you need to increase something, I would be more likely to decrease the Tylenol and increase the Advil. It is still a balancing act, but Advil has anti-inflammatory action that Tylenol does not have (Aleve is also an anti-inflammatory). You might talk with your druggest about a safe maximum for these drugs, but be sure he knows this is not a one or two day thing.
    Hope you are doing better the next time we hear from you. Keep us posted.

    Susan

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    I'd like to thank everyone for the great replies. I really needed it. I did talk to my bf's sister yesterday and I am going to take one day off a week. I didn't want to sound like I was a complainer so I attributed it to having a heavier course load than I expected, and a little on not being able to do as much as I hoped(my lupus). I felt better just talking to her.

    I'm not sure if something I said was misunderstood, my boyfriend is very supportive and is very concerned about me. He even asked if I wanted him to talk to his sister. But I told him no, that I needed to handle it. I tend to avoid conflict and I personally needed to be able to do this. My ex was very controlling and took care of everything, I needed to be able to do this to help me do things on my own again. Lately my house has been a bit messy than usual and my boyfriend has been helping me with laundry and a few other things. He really is a great guy and I haven't scared him off!! I'm just thankful that his ex was so bad(in many ways) that he thinks I am great!! According to him, me being exhausted once in awhile and occasionally getting emotional is nothing compared to what he went through with her. I still don't get how she could have treated him so badly... he's awesome!! ok, enough mushy stuff!! ;-)

    I had blood work done yesterday and my Dr. called, I missed the call. She usually only calls if something is up. I see my Rhuemy today and they are in the same office so, I can stop by and find out what is up.

    Saysusie, Thank you for all the info on the optic nerve. I do have flashes of lights/sparks. That has been something more frequent lately. The only way I can describe it is, like a camera is going off in my eye. It is usually to the side of my vision. It seems to be on the same side I am getting these headaches. I have shared the spoon theory with my boyfriend. I think it helped. When he thinks I am doing too much he'll say to me "spoons". It helps me check myself.

    The headaches have lasted as long as 3 days. Usually they last over a day to two days. I don't take those large doses all the time. 2-3 times a month.

    I have to get my kids up for school, I'll let you all know what I find out about my lab results...

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    I am so glad that you talked to her and that YOU feel better about it. Also, I am happy to hear how supportive and understanding your boyfriend is. Perhaps, once his sister knows a bit more about the disease, things at work will continue to improve to the point where you won't have to give any explanations at all.

    Wishing You The Best
    Peace and Blessings
    Saysusie
    Look For The Good and Praise It!

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    Hi MommyKaren,

    What a blessing for to have such a supportive boyfriend. I think that you were quite right to try to handle this problem with your boyfriend's sister on your own if you could. Good for you for taking the bull by the horns. Later either you or your boyfriend can educate her to the ramifications of your illness.

    Have a great day,

    Karen
    I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep, and miles to go before I sleep.......Robert Frost

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