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Thread: Upset about giving my dog to someone else.

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    Default Upset about giving my dog to someone else.

    Hi All,

    Haven't been checking in lately, I've been moving home now that I have a functional (not to mention very cute) bathroom. I was staying with a friend while the remodel was going on because the stress put me in the hospital with a bad flare so my husband thought I should stay out of the environment while he finished the remodel. While I was staying at my friends house I realized how much more calm her house was than mine. She has as many indoor cats as I have, 5, but they seem happier and less stressed. Well, I realized it was my dog Chloe. When I came home she was so happy to see me but was so hyper I couldn't take it. I love her lots and have had her for five years. She's a Border Collie/German Shepard mix, she's smart, sweet and loving and needs FAR more attention than I can now give her. She's so jealous of the cats and feels the need to "herd" them (it's a Border Collie thing) that it stresses them and me. So, we talked it over and decided to try to find her a really good home. We found one sooner than expected, a young woman that my mother works with is looking for a dog, she came over the other day and just fell in love with Chloe and Chloe seemed to really take to her. I WAS so glad that she will be leaving and going to such a loving home. However, I am now sad as the day draws closer for her to actually leave. She is going to be picked up tomorrow. I've been crying my eyes out all day and have been flip flopping back and forth between keeping her and letting her go. Like I said, she's a great dog, a little bit of a spaz but that's my fault, I can no longer walk her everyday or give her the attention she so badly wants. Don't get me wrong, we've given her a very comfy and spoiled life, I just want what's best for her and for my household and I think her going to someone else who will lavish her with tons of attention is great. My fear is that she will feel that we have abandoned her and/or she will totaly freak out not being with us (this has happened when we have gone on a three day vacation in the past). I also hope that her new family is as good as they sound, I worry that she won't be safe or loved and I'm sure those are unfounded fears but she has been in my care since she was two months old and I feel the need to see this through but don't want to do it at the cost of her not getting what she needs and at the cost of my health and stress level.

    I know this has gone on and on, I just needed to vent I guess. I am so sad, it's like one more thing this disease has taken from me, I just hate having to make this change.

    Thanks for letting me vent.

    Onpointe
    "We are the music makers and we are the dreamers of a dream." Willy Wonka

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    Awwww onpointe, it's a tough situation. Pehaps when they come to get the dog, you could ask them to give you a call and let you know how things are going or if for any reason this doesn't work out would they please give you a call, because you would rather have Chloe come back to you then put into a third home or a shelter. Just give them that option.

    I understand your frustration. I have german short hair pointer who was raised with an elderly cat. That cat passed away 2 yrs ago. I waited a couple of months then I went out and adopted another cat. It was three months of hell. The dog did NOT take to the new cat. Poor hubby was so patient helping me to work with the cat and dog so they could be in the same room together. It just wasn't working.

    One day I just gave up. I figured after three months if they couldn't work it out then I'ld had enough. I was so upset. I love my dog and this cat is beautiful and very gentle and (omg) loving.

    I lucked out...befor I could call the shelter I walked into the living room and there were the cat and the dog curled up on the dog's blankey sound asleep. So I never made the call. The little brats must have read my mind and decided to behave.

    I haven't forgoten what those three months were like. I couldn't go through that again. It's amazing what you'll deal with when you dont know that it's going to go on and on and on. I would NOT choose to do it again.

    I know how hard it is, but Chloe has a chance to be with family who can help her burn some of that energy off.

    Our Schultz is pointer which is a very hyper breed. Thank goodness he's also 11yrs old and where he's going to take one of his many naps is his biggest concern these days lol. I couldn't handle a younger version of him right now...I just dont have the energy. He was like Tigger on 10 cups of coffee!

    Hugsss, let us know how things work out and how you are doing.

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    Thanks for writing...I know that when I get on the other side of this I'm going to be glad to have the stress gone and (hopefully) glad that she's got a new family that loves her. My one request was that if for ANY reason it doesn't work out or they can't keep her, they bring her back to us, I even said that if it's five years down the road and they can't keep her, PLEASE give her back! She agreed, I hope she will honor that request. I'm still flip flopping, it's rough, she's the only dog I've had in my adult life and probably the last. My husband is pretty sad too and has made it very clear that he won't go through this again, I can't blame him, right now it just sucks all around. I hope my outlook is different in a couple of weeks.

    Glad to hear that your animals worked it out. We have a really old cat that we have been considering putting to sleep because she's very arthritic (like I need to deal with this right now!!!) and all of the sudden she's dancing the jig, it's like they know or something!

    Thanks again, I appreciate your caring very much!

    Onpointe
    "We are the music makers and we are the dreamers of a dream." Willy Wonka

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    :lol: I had my cat for 13 yrs, and she was going down hill...I didn't think she would last another month. It was breaking my heart. That's why we got our dog. We brought him in as a puppys so the cat could dominate him. The cat flipped out and hid in the basement for three days. I was soooo upset. I though I wrecked her last bit of time on this planet by agreeing to bring a dog in.

    But after three days she marched upstars...right over to the dog and swatted him with her paw. No claws lol. just paw. With that settled they became good friends and she lived until she was 21. In her later years, the she would forget where her food dish was and schultz would herd her back to her dish. You could see the "oh look...food!" on her face. He'd do this untill she finished eating. Which is really saying something because my do is a tramp for food.

    But sadly there came a time when I had to ask myself if I was letting the cat suffer because I didn't want to say goodbye. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, but I did.

    The vet asked me if I was going to stay with her till the end...I said yes and I'm very glad I did. I found out that they put them to sleep before they give them the leathal injection only if you stay! I was horrified. What if I hadn't stayed~they dont warn you about what happens if you choose not to stay. The animal is awake and that injection can cause great pain. Always always insist they put them to sleep first. Even if you cant stand the thought of holding them or being in the room ... insist that they put them to sleep first.

    Sorry I know that's kind of morbid but I dont want anyone to be mislead about what happens.

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    rob is offline Super Moderator Super ModeratorEmperor of the World
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    That is a very hard decision. I have 3 cats, and they are my best friends, so I understand the love you have for your pets very much. From what you have talked about, it sounds like you made the right decision for you, your dog, and your cat who has suddenly learned to dance! There are people in this world who would have taken their pet to the animal shelter (death sentence), or worse, abandoned the animal for it to fend on its own, all alone. You sought out a responsible, loving person who will care for and love your dog. Stop in and check on her from time to time if the new owners will allow it, to help set your mind at ease. As hard as this is, I believe you made a responsible, and caring choice, and are acting in the dog's best interest, as well as yours. And the lucky new owner may have just found a new best friend.

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    Oh, onpointe, I'm so sorry...that's really difficult. I think you're doing the right thing, though. Your health is dependant on managing stress, and a 'hyper' household is...let's face it...stressful. You're also doing something good for your wonderful pet. Some dogs need a lot of exercise to really be happy, and if you can't do that any longer, this is the right thing. I'm glad you made it clear to the new owner that you want your dog back if things don't work out. That should give you some peace of mind. I know you'll look back on your decision and be glad you made it....

    Jody
    "If you trust Google more than you trust your doctor than maybe it's time to switch doctors."

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    Hi All,

    Thank you SO much for the kind words and encouragement!! I am soooo glad that I joined this forum and have "met" such wonderful people!

    Well, we did it, Chloe left with her new "mommy" today. I was a total mess, Nely, the young lady who now has Chloe was so worried about me because I was such a wreck when they left, she called me when she got home to see if I was ok, what a sweet person! That made me feel good, I do feel like I've sent her to the best home I could. My reaction right now though is to go get Chloe! I hope this passes soon. I called later this evening to see how things were going and they seem to be going ok. I sent a pair of butterfly wings with Chloe that we put on her from time to time b/c she looks so stinkin' cute in them. I guess she found them and put her paws up so that they could be put on and now they can't get her out of them! Silly puppy! I think it's because they remind her of us and that just breaks my heart! It's so weird how quiet things are around here too, I know I'll get used to this but she's been my shadow for the last five years, that's a long time to have a companion and then voluntarily give her away, I feel like a really bad person right now, my guilt level is through the roof!!!! Logically I know that this is best for her and my household but my heart says go get her and bring her home! It will just take time I guess, Nely said I can call as often as I like to check in on Chloe (boy is she going to regret that soon!) so three calls today and I'm sure I won't be able to resist calling first thing in the morning to see how her night went. We are also going to go see her in a couple of weeks. We thought it best to give her time to settle in before we go. I am so glad they are willing to let us still see her!

    I am a very thorough and somewhat untrusting person so I wrote out a contract stating that Nely will care for Chloe up to our standards and that if for any reason she can't keep her she is to be given back to us and only us. I had Nely sign and date it along with my husband and myself and then I had it witnessed. I also keep a spreadsheet of all the vaccines and health care my animals receive (right down to the serial numbers of the vaccines incase of a recall) and the name of her vet, plus her rabies certificate and microchip info. I even mapquested a dog park close to where Nely lives and gave her that info along with all of Chloe's toys, leashes, bed, etc... Oh and I checked out her house and neighborhood via satelite photos to make sure Chloe would be in a safe area. Ok, ok, I know, that's a little nutty but I just really want to make sure she's ok. I wasn't able to have children so I treat my pets like my kids so this really felt like I was giving away my kid, it's just awful but for the best, it's no fun for a great dog who needs to be active to lay around with a sick person and that's what it boils down to.

    I also wanted to respond to the comment about euthanasia. Over the years we have taken in many stray cats. We ALWAYS have them leukemia/FIV tested before they step foot into the house, then have them spayed/neutered, microchiped, vax, etc... (we don't ever let them have babies, there are enough cats as it is)and I've had a few that had genetic problems that made it necessary for us to have them put to sleep. I am a big believer in being there when this happens, I want my face to be the last thing they see, and I try to comfort them as much as possible during the process. I used to work at a vet clinic and it is soooooo much harder on the animals when the owners don't stay, they are confused and scared so I have always stayed. It's also one of those things that no one wants to have to ever do but if they are in pain at least we can end their suffering if we have to and be the one comforting them when it happens.

    Ok, so I went on and on again, thanks so much for letting me talk, this is such a great place to "bend an ear". Whew! This was very stressful and I feel a flare coming on but at least it will only be one instead of many due to the stress of a dog that needs more than I can give. I know she's just a dog but please keep her in your thoughts, I would greatly appreciate it.

    Very thankful to have you all!

    onpointe
    "We are the music makers and we are the dreamers of a dream." Willy Wonka

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    onpointe


    Awww hugsss....I'm so glad Chloe's new family are so thoughtful. I'm sure she's in good hands. Tough thing to do but you wouldn't have gone through with it if you had doubts about what was best for Chloe. And the contract lets the new owners know that if things should not work out, you were serious about returning Chloe.

    Hugsss
    Oh look ... a cookie

  9. #9
    rob is offline Super Moderator Super ModeratorEmperor of the World
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    Onpointe, you are NOT a bad person. You have NOTHING to be guilty about. The world could use a lot more responsible, loving pet owners like you. One of my cats, Sasha, is a cute little tuxedo cat that was a stray who I rescued from the streets of Phoenix. Sasha had a surprise, she had 4 beautiful tuxedo kittens! I knew I couldn't keep all these cats. I was around the kittens every day from the day they were born. They were "my kids". At 8 months old I had them all fixed, and started searching for homes for them. My parents, who just lost a cat of 21 years (another stray I found) adopted one, a good friend adopted two, and I decided to keep one so Sasha could still be with one of her kids. When I decided to find homes for the little guys, it was terribly hard. I felt like I was abandoning them, but I knew I couldn't handle all those cats, and their quality of life would be less. I made the right choice though, as Sasha and her daughter named Fuzzy, are happy and healthy, my parents absolutely love Smudge, and the other two cats have brought so much happiness to my friends who adopted them. It hurts, but you did a good thing for Chloe.

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    That's quite true Rob.

    There's lots of folks who do not respect the rights of their pets. You've shown alot of care and concern for your Chloe, onpointe. You kept her needs in mind too. All of the pets I've had over the years have been strays or from shelters.

    My latest guy, Hogan, I got from an animal shelter. Even they jerked me around about him. He has multiple paws; which are tricky to care for. I asked the manager of the shelter to show me how to trim his nails. Instead the manager cut them with out me there and he did alot of damage. Poor thing had bloody infected paws when I picked him up and he was running a dangerously high temp.

    I just nicely got him cleared up from that...and we found out he has an inflamed bowel conditions...I'm not one to spend alot of money on life threatening conditions for animals. But...I did ops: he costs me twice a year when this conditions flares and he needs meds that are NOT cheap. And he is on a special diet for the rest of his life.

    I'm sure this health reason is why he was dumped in the first place. But he is such a sweet and loving cat, my dog just loves him to bits...only took three months to get the dog to not want to rip the cat apart...but now they sleep together and are good company through the day while we are all away at work.

    You did the right thing onepointe....it hurts right now cause you have a good heart. Chloe will become one with this new family...and you will be able to relax and know that Chloe is loved.
    Oh look ... a cookie

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