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Thread: Proper Introduction

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
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    Default Proper Introduction

    I just realized that my previous (first) post wasn't an introduction. I just jumped into my own quest and I wasn't very cordial at all. So, introduction...
    I am a 41 yo, married, mother of 2 teenage daughters. I am employed full time with a local government agency. I am out on disability at the moment. I have a full life caring for all of those who need me. And, for the first time I am the person who has the greatest needs. I am the only person to take care of those needs and I have trouble putting me first. Lupus will be a huge learning process for me.
    Right now I am stuggling with learning what my limitations are. Small things that used to bring me great joy are beyond my ability today. I understand that I will not ever hike the Sierras for days on end ever again. I know that physically I am not 20 and that my carcass is rapidly deteriorating. I read that most on this site advocate physical activity, but I can only do day to day activity at best, and just remember when I was invincible. I just wish someone would have tended my patio garden during my last hospitalization. The dead plants were so depressing and I do not have the strength right now to start replacing them. I felt like a shriveled, dry dead plant the other day. No amount of water will rejuevenate me at this point.
    I read other posts about mourning our old selves. I'm afraid to start. If I let go of the "old" me, who am I? My old self is so very defined with physical ability. Who can I be now?
    Happier thoughts... I have pets that bring me great pleasure and are constant companions. Chopper is the WORLD's smartest Pekingese, Cookie the cat, and 3 Cavies (Guinea Pigs), Cali, Bubbles and L B Pig. The pets bring no frustration, only love.
    I am in need of outside contact. The children are not enough anymore. They have their own needs and interests that really do not involve me. My husband travels with his work. We speak several times a day but he is only home for a few days every 4-6 weeks. I am hoping to go back to work for a few hours a day soon. The Dr. says no public contact due to infection risk. I am not quite sure how my employer will accommodate that need but I know they will. My biggest challenge will be walking from the parking lot to the building.
    This is getting long. I hope others will find some interest and offer words of encouragement. Reading other posts on this site has been informative, refreshing and has occasionally brought me to tears. I blame the medications when in actuality I am only coping with my own mortality.
    Life drags on,
    Bonnie B

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Victorville, California
    Blog Entries
    Thanked 1,128 Times in 743 Posts


    Hi Bonnie :lol:
    I know how lonely and frustrating this disease can make us feel. It is so hard to have to come to terms with the loss of who we once were. But, we must redefine ourselves in order to make the best of who we are now.
    No, you may not be able to hike the Sierras for days on end, but you may be able to hike a local recreation area for a couple of hours, take a rest and hike some more. Your hiking may require a few different things to sustain you (like sunscreen, hats, protective clothing and you may have to take some medications before you short hike. But, you can still hike one day!
    What I am trying to say is that Lupus is not the end of your life! It is, however, the beginning of a different lifestyle. All of us have had to make lifestyle changes so that we could continue to live a somewhat normal life. We've had to change our hobbies, change our friends, change our outlooks and change our goals. It is hard, at first, but it can be done and we are all here to help you in any way that we can.
    Please do not give up! I know this is a lot to deal with, but don't ever give up. I hope that we can help you to deal with this disease, that is what we are here for. Come to us whenever you feel a need and someone will be here for you

    Peace and Blessings
    Look For The Good and Praise It!

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