Browneyedgirl Reporting For Love Duty !!
Hey My Brothers and Sisters!!
Wow, how time flies when you're out trying to catch up with the rest of the world!! My last day working full time was September 2005; needless to say that my employers are by far the greatest human beings I am blessed to know - and we met about a month ago to discuss the possibility of my returning back to work. We left the table with the agreement that there would be open communication and full consideration for all involved. I had been feeling so great, nothing to report for almost nine months - so I was feeling on top of the world.
Two weeks after starting (half days), I developed blood clots in my lungs, hospitalized...and two days later pneumonia moved in (without an invite, I might add)...while the tears began to fall so did my spirits - and the most unusual feeling came over me. "It's all right - just be - just breathe - just relax; do what you can - live my dreams today - don't dream about a different life - make the best life I have". I know it sounds like a "mushroom trip", but seriously my friends; in those few moments I realized that I had made this disease my focus....but instead I've decided to make my heart and it's purety my focus; my hopes to fuel my realities....God gave us only so much time on this side of heaven - I don't want to regret that I didn't make the best use of my heart; my loving hugs; and my soulful determination to the best use possible. So; I finally got up walked outside in my front yard, held open my arms and surrendered to God - all of my fears, all of my doubts, all of my worries....and I cried...and I swallowed the sweet taste of those surrendered tears and at once realized that surrendering that which we cannot conquer to the ONE and ONLY ONE who can; and who can grant us a peace that passes all understanding - can bring us to a place of contentment - no matter what the circumstances dictate. I laid open my arms, my heart, my hurts, my fears, my unforgiveness....and through my tears I sang; slowly...and more rythmically than ever before the song "Oh Happy Day.....Oh Happy Day...."...(never mind that the neighbors probably thought this ole' girl lost her last nut) ...
There is freedom in letting go....but never giving up. There is freedom in forgiveness - not only for those to whom we need to forgive but it frees us from the burden of a long carried pain that takes up too much space in our hearts. "Oh Happy Day".....hmmmm,
I feel like CHURCH is coming out all over this message "and it's raining like you could only imagine outside"...oh this is good! I want to seek the answers that I know I need to move on and to free up my heart so I can move up....and choose joy in the midst of all this crazy chaos we live in....TODAY, I CHOOSE JOY, I choose simply to love all the blessings that come my way....and some of those don't look or feel like blessings at the time - but IN TIME we see the lessons that needed to be learned in that moment in time.
"Oh Happy Day".....if you can find that song - play it loud, sing it loud....and know that peace is possible in EVERY situation.
I love you all more than you will ever know; you've given me wings to fly; I rise up and I can touch the sky.....I stand on the shoulders of all those who have believed in me; believed that I could become more than what I could dream for myself. You are my wings, my family, my friends....and my anchor in this crazy lupus storm.....but God does always promise us that rainbow....don't ever forget that! He loves us that much, Yes He does!
I promise not to stay away so long; I do think of you everyday....and now I wish I could sing for you "Oh Happy Day"!! Go ahead, find that song and sing as loud as you can, dance with all your might....and choose joy today!
I love you all so very much,
"I believe that friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly." - unknown