It sounds like you're freaking yourself out here... I understand, because I did it too when my doctors tested me for AIDS. (I don't have it, but for some reason, due to my surgical history, each new doctor tests me.) I freak out and start planning my own funeral and my kids and husband have to put up with me not being rational... and then the doctor calls and tells me that I'm fine... and I am, until the next doctor tests me
So--when you hear that you "might" have lupus, that could mean a LOT of things. Don't shut down your life (or shut out your loved ones) because of this. It's a "might" right now. It's not even a dianosis. Heck, most of us went through years of unknown diagnoses before we got the final one--and usually by then, it's a relief to have a 'name' attached to the symptoms.
Stressing yourself out can cause symptoms that mimic autoimmune disease. If you are convinced that your hair is falling out, and that is a horrible thing, then the stress of your self-convincing can be enough to cause your hair to fall out--even without any illness. You can stress yourself out and cause blood pressure spikes, and headaches. You can talk yourself into stiff joints and blurred vision. So, first, take a breath. Second, find yourself a rheumatologist. Third, (or maybe this should be second) tell your fiance.
I don't know why his friend hung himself after the diagnosis of lupus, but I question the entirety of his "reasoning".
Do not--I repeat--do not-- stop your life for this. My daughter was a "maybe" patient like you, and she has the ANA but no symptoms. She has Raynauds. And--she has a mom with advancing lupus/autoimmune vasculitis. This does not stop her from modeling, from working, from college, or anything.
What do you mean, you don't think you can go on? You "think" you have it, and can't live with it? Why do you think that just now your heart may be weaker than your aging parents? It sounds like you might be misinformed about what lupus really is.
If you are feeling this stressed out, maybe you should consider a serious discussion with the doctor that said you "might" have lupus. Maybe a temporary antidepressant can help you with these out-of-control feelings. I really think you're stressing yourself out... A tingly left arm is probably stress--there is a nerve that will do that when you stress yourself out.
You didn't "used to be" a model or actress unless you quit those jobs. The diagnosis of lupus isn't a forclosed sentence. Even if you do have this (which you don't know yet), you can live a full life. You can act, model, and be married.