i am in my late 30's and was diagnosed at 10. i am in remission right now but constenly wish death on myself. does anyone else feel this way?
Cin, even if you are in a remission, the emotional consequences of having lupus are still there, and depression is often one of those consequences. Can you tell me why you wish death on yourself? Is it because of the lupus, or is there something else going in your life that makes you feel so overwhelmed? Have you talked to your family and friends about your feelings? I think they would be pretty upset to find out that you feel this way. Whether your life is important to you or not right now - IT IS IMPORTANT TO MANY OTHER PEOPLE, and to GOD. Your life has a purpose and a meaning. Maybe you can't see it right now, but it is there. Maybe focusing so much on death is keeping you from living your life. Please talk to us - tell us more about what's going on in your life that makes it seem like death would be better. I think all of us go through moments when things seem unbearable, but the wonderful thing about life is it always gives you a second chance. Death doesn't. But you have to choose life - choose to be an active participant - choose to look for joy - choose how you will live each day. Wishing for death, or wishing to live life to its fullest. I hope you will talk to your family and friends, and your doctors, and please get some help and some counseling. It is possible to deal with the depression that comes with this illness, but it's very hard to do alone. Please reach out and find the support you need.
I ditto a lot of the things Marycain has already said to you. I just wanted to let you know that many people living with a chronic illness such as Lupus have considered suicide as an option to what seems like an unresolvable situation at times. You are not crazy for thinking this way because those thoughts are common and normal. Having said that my dear like Marycain I would encourage you not to act on those thoughts and feelings. Reach out and get some help for yourself. There are usually some underlying issues that contribute to these feelings that can be solved, but when combined with the depression of Lupus are making you feel overwhelmed.
Like Marycain said "you are important" and "you will be missed". Please do not act on your feelings to harm yourself. Make an appointment and talk to your doctor immediately so something can be put in place to help you. It might be medication, social supports, physical support, etc. whatever is needed it is available.
In the mean time, for today write yourself out a contract saying "I will not kill myself today". I will put one foot in front of the other today and keep walking and moving forward even if it is difficult.
Sometime my dear that is all there is in life just moving forward when things get tough, and if you keep putting one foot in front of the other long enough things change. Nothing in life ever stays the same for very long.
Get help, have hope, keep putting one foot in front of the other, and know others care....................keep posting.....................sending you cyber hugs, positive energy and prayers for a better day..............beautifulbeluga
Having been where you are and having gotten through those dark, dark, days, I came to realize that there was so much more involved in my wish for death, than just what I thought would be an end and a relief from pain (emotionally and physically). With help (2 yrs in therapy - 3 times/week), I finally understood that what I would truly be doing is leaving behind insurmountable pain and anguish for so many other people: Mother, brother, husband, son, and dear friends, etc. What really opened my eyes was when I was asked to take an inventory of everyone who I knew in my life,and to imagine their reaction to my no longer being in this world. It occured to me, that my wish for my death was really a very, very selfish act that would leave behind a long trail of pain and anguish and that it would have devastating affects on so many, many lives.
The good thing about taking that inventory was this....I realized how much I meant to so many, people that I had not even thought about when I was so sure that no longer being here was my answer. I realized that I was, in fact, important and that if I just reached out, there were so many arms there to receive me....so many people who just wanted to help me because they loved me. In our darkest moments, we forget about the people who truly love us....those people are our gifts. The fact that you have touched so many lives (lives that you may not even realize that you've touched) THAT IS YOUR GIFT!!
Here is a revelation..You Are Loved By So Many...You Are Important and what you do (weather you know it or not) is Important to so many. Being here and sharing with us is part of the gift that you give!! You are a gift because YOU ARE.
We are here to help you, we are here to give you support and comfort, we are here for you whenever you need us. Remember, you are not alone and YOU ARE LOVED!!
WITH TRUE AND PURE LOVE!!
Thanks for the kind words i realy apreciat it!!