BROWNEYEDGIRL....feelin' a little blue....I need you !!
Confession time....I haven't been feeling so hot lately; kidney function is decreasing, anxiety increasing....hopes fading....and determination soon at the edge.
Arghhhhh, I know this too shall pass....it's just that I'm tired, tired of feeling like I'm fighting a new war everyday...feelinig like there's just never a break in this disease. The tears have been falling, and my imagination of what it used to be like when I felt "good"....is beginning to disappear.
I know it's the "funk factor" going on...and I need to pick myself up outta my pity pool...and I will. I just needed to time to mourn a past that was full of good health and little appreciation for it. Mourning the pain that continues day after day....and there's nothing to stop it.
Life is not for sissy's...and it calls for every committed fiber in my soul to keep on this journey. I keep thinking that God must have realized I was too independent and stubborn to listen to His "still small voice"....instead He needed to stop me in my tracks....and say "Gurlfren, it's time we talk".
So, I'm learning to live more on my knees (in prayer)...and that living an attitude of gratitude takes alot more grace than I ever could comprehend before. What it all boils down to is love....isn't it? To love the place we're in for however long we need to be in that place that brings us to our knees and learn the lessons God has in store for us to carry onto to the next phase of this journey.
So, I'll just consider this my "roadstop confessional"...and get back on the road of redemption...understanding that God's grace covers more than we can ask for; God's mercies are new everyday....and we can never fall further than His Holy Hands can reach down to rescue us.
Thanks for letting me ultra-vent....it's been a long time since I've opened up my heart for others to see. So here it is, wounded and crying. Stay with me friends, I know I can carry on....I'm just tired right now.
I pray this message goes through.
Love to you all,
Browneyedgirl (in a boo hoo mood)
"I believe that friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly." - unknown