It must be so hard for you to deal with visiting a loved one when they not only are experiencing physicial symptoms, but also seem to "be away" at times. I have been spared this pain and loss, although I can imagine that you are grieving for the mother that was. Years ago, I went through a bad Lupus relapse right before Christmas. My three children were very young so I went to my friend's home so that the children would not be affected by my illness, (although I think they were more worried not having me there). I was very weak and the pain was extreme. I was not on any medication other than ibuprofin. I couldn't sleep, eat, etc. During most of this time, I was definitely in another place. The "fog" that goes along with SLE, fever, weakness made it easier to go into a sort of meditative status. I think this is common for a lot of people who are going through some sort of trauma, whether it is physical, emotional, mental or spiritual in nature. To help ease your mind, I have always thought it was harder to watch someone else in pain than to experience it myself. It was difficult for me to watch the frustration of my family and friends when they were not able to effectively help me. The spirit and mind take over when the body is in crisis, allowing us some respite from our misery, and most likely, your Mother is finding relief from her symptoms in just such a way. While you are going through such a hard time right now, please be kind to yourself: ask for and accept help from every person you meet, take some time to pamper yourself, eat healthy, exercise and get enough rest. If you get run down, you can't give your best to those you love.
I am thinking of you, and pray that you continue to find the strength to be strong