Hon. you did such a good job bawling yourself out, what's left to say? Just don't feel too bad about it - extreme pain can make the most rational person in the world go cuckoo. If there's any blame here, put it on the doctor's office for not calling you back. I hope you expressed your feeling to the doctor, and that you are now well provided with pain meds.
Before I was diagnosed with Lupus 5yrs ago, I was a regular smoker and occassional drinker and I quit all that when I started to have a flare. But I don't know if this is because I do have an "inactive" lupus nowadays I allowed myself to have a drink and smoke occassionally. I just take it in moderation for I don't wanna kill myself and waste all the medications I'm taking.
There is nothing we can do to make God love us more and there's absolutely nothing we've done to make Him love us less... God loves us without conditions for just the way we are!
Pieces of Me!