Hi guys

I'm gong through a dilema about coping skills with Lupus.
After having a core decompression on my right hip and a total hip replacement at 21, I quit smoking for a while. I had two blood cloats the following year in my lungs and while on Coumadin was not smoking.

I have severe kidney involvement and have been taking CellCept, this summer I went out everynight with my co-workers for drinks and I feel guilty when I see my doctors and my tests results are always just as bad.
I suffer the consequences in silence, I can't blame anyone for my destructive behaviour. I expect to wake up puffy, swollen and in so much pain.
Can someone tell me if I am going through a phase, or am I slowly killing myself?