Welcome new friend; you have found a safe harbor and a wonderful network of caring and compassionate friends. I think I can speak for all of us when I say "we've all been there"....in regards to feeling like "I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill....and suddenly the mole hill erupts....and by golly you discover - it was a mountain after all!!!
Like you, I've worked in the high-profile executive field for many years. I can distinctly remember the day - when I was blankly staring at my computer screen and the next moment - I was in an ambulance to the hospital - waking up in ICU. It didn't really hit me for a few days - and when I tried to go back to work, I had the worse time trying to keep on task, to keep focused - that my memory was "gone". As Beauchick mentioned about feeling out of control - within months I was completely lost - my life, my world, all that I had achieved and worked for evaporated in the flash of one moment. After spending months trying to figure out "what went wrong"....I have had to learn many of my life lessons the hard way.
There are many books about lupus and most all of them are very good. My physician work a book called "You Don't Look Sick" - by Joy Selak and Dr. Steven Overman. I identified with the woman immediately, and how she outlines her journey with this illness - has really served as a guide for me. I would also suggest that you stay plugged in to this site. You will find that there are incredibly gifted people who have genuine interest in helping others. I am always amazed at how much wisdom these people have to share....and I am thankful every day that I have had this site to come to.
Our administrators/moderator will be by to introduce themselves. They will all make you feel right at home. No question is too small or too big; Saysusie has poured her soul into this website - and it shows in the integrity of the website, and especially of the people that share this site.
I have discovered that asking why - seems to come as second nature. But I would like to challenge you with asking yourself "the what question". What is it that I can do now, to learn to understand this disease; what can I do to find my way through this journey; what am I thankful for today; what can I share that will help someone else along the way. I know you're not in that place right now - and we all need to grieve who we "thought" we used to be. But my friend, what I have discovered about this disease is; that it has not been the curse of my life - it's been the blessing that has taught me to be still long enough to finally understand - that it's now how fast, it's not how far - but that I am...I have the ability right now to look inside and understand that all things come our way, for a reason - and sometimes for a season.
There are so so many people here who will have so much more wisdom to share with you than I, many who have walked this journey far longer than you and I....and I hold dear their words of wisdom. Beauchick is right, lupus effects everyone differently - but what we all share in common at this site - is a mutual respect and understanding, that we all are hurting in one way or another.....and the caring that you will find here will help calm your nerves and put your mind at rest.
I applaud the tremendous triumphs that you have accomplished in your life...and remember, you have many more to come. They may be triumphs in a different arena...and that's okay too, it's the getting used to these drastic life changes that seem to be such a struggle. You have a wonderful support group here, and I will be anxious to see more posts from you. Hang in there, hold on to hope - and let us be your wings.
Please be at peace and know that you are not alone in this journey. We're a family that cares and shares with one another.
"I believe that friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly." - unknown