Welcome new friend,
It's heart warming to know that you felt a need to reach out for support, and I assure you - this is absolutely, hands down, the great support site that I have encountered.....and there are quite a few men on this site; all of them very supportive and encouraging.
You are going through so much right now.....and as wonderful as this site is; I find that the "human touch"...and talking face to face is such a comfort. I went through a very traumatic year, last year...and I think we all are instilled with a "self preservation" mode - that kicks in when we're at that point when we realize that we can't endure life alone. I found my local support group this website (Saysusie - hope this is okay to share) and I hope that it will for you as well. You can click on "Mississippi", and then find support groups in your area. My group is not specific to lupus but for chronic illness and fibromyalgia. I hope this will provide you with a lead or two.
If I may be so bold - and share a thought or two with you - I would like to say to you - as I have shared this with so many others. When we go through these difficult times in life - at times it feels like it's "too much to bear"; there are instinctively the "why" questions - of which so many times never provides an answer. Hold on strong to your faith, God never brings you to something, without bringing you through it as well. You will get through this. Stay close to those you love, and let them love you - just as you are. I'm sure these events in your life have all been such a shock to your "life's dream" goal. I remember when my marriage could not withstand this chronic illness struggle, I was devestated. I mourned the loss of the life I had; but also with time and a whole lot of soul searching - as well as the help and guidance of exceptionally good friends. I began to understand that my companion was uncomfortable and not committed to this "everafter"; it breaks your heart. Years later, I began to understand that God has a plan for my life - and I felt so lost when I couldn't work; when my world turned upside down. But what is my calling in this life - what am I supposed to do with my life? When my doctor challenged me with switching "why" questions - with "what" statements. So I share with you - what can you do to keep yourself surrounded by supportive people; what can you do to keep peace in your life - it's not easy when someone chooses to walk out of our lives - I hope you will be able to discuss "what can we do to get through this with dignity and grace" (it is possible and you both will be so much more at peace however this turns out) - whether she chooses to stay or leave, you have to ultimately choose "to find a new dream - find out what your calling is in this life - we all have it......and most importantly make sure you take good care of yourself.
I hope you will keep connected with the people here. I can't begin to tell you how much EVERYONE here has helped me through those dark days - and doubtful moments. You will be blessed by all these caring people.
Hold on and be strong in your faith in God. You will get through this valley, and when you begin to come through the otherside - we "all" have our rainbows after the storms in our lives. Hang in there. Keep us posted and let us know how you are doing.
"I believe that friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly." - unknown